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Hook, Line & Sinker

Too scared to approach women at a bar? Life Coach Malti Bhojwani shares secrets on how to jumpstart your love life using the behavioural science, Neuro-Lingustic Programming with Kevin Lobo.

If you’re a single man, where do you meet new people? Say you catch the eye of an attractive woman at a bar, how do you approach her? Most Indian women have been conditioned to believe that it’s good to seem unapproachable and it gets even worse at a bar where they are bound to be hit on.

If you’ve tried to hook up at a lounge and failed or have been too scared to even try, do not fear, there is a scientific way to go about it. A behavioural science developed in the ‘70s, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) studies how people conduct themselves in different situations. The founders discovered that people achieve best results with the application of a few selected techniques which is now called NLP. These techniques have been used across industries and now you can apply them too. To jumpstart your love life, here are pointers from Life Coach Malti Bhojwani.


Where do you start?

If the woman is not giving you very clear ‘get away from me signals’, try your luck. The first step to approaching a woman using NLP is that you should know the outcome you are expecting. Whether you want her number or want to get to know her more this has to be clear in your mind and your brain will react accordingly.

The key is to appear friendly. Make it seem like you aren’t talking to her just because you want to hook up. Initially, make conversation without giving her your full attention. Notice things around you and mention them to her, while keeping her interested.


Once you get her talking

You can use NLP when you have built enough of a rapport with a person. People say you need to be a keen listener when it comes to women, but NLP takes this a little further with Rapport. It’s not just about listening, you have to act and react.


‘Rapport’ is that feeling of being comfortable with someone and trusting them. Build an instant rapport by mirroring her. If she takes a sip of her drink, you do too. Speaking at a similar speed, and using a similar amount of gestures, use the same words they use in conversation and mirror the amount of eye contact. Copying her actions might seem odd but it creates a familiar environment.

Listen and let her lead the conversation. For a woman, deep communication with a man is a turn-on.


Use a trigger

Use touch to link a sound or visual input to an emotion. When she laughs, touch her hand. Or if she cracks a joke and laughs, make a funny face like Jim Carrey. What you’re doing is ‘Anchoring’ an emotion to an action. Do this till you feel you’ll are comfortable.

Later, you can re-trigger the emotion by simply firing the anchor. Touch her hand or make the funny face, whatever the anchor was and she will laugh again. This means that you are in complete Rapport, she is absolutely comfortable with you.


The sense of touch

Now that you know she likes you, it’s time to flirt. Flirting is a combination of both, verbal and physical, contact. The safe places to touch a woman are the shoulders and her elbow. As you get deeper in conversation, if you are getting a positive response, you can touch her hands. Offer her your hand when she’s stepping on a step or walking through a crowd.


How to take it forward

At the end, ask her what you want. Suggest going somewhere else together, a coffee shop, or to meet the next day? Use the Double Bind where it appears like you are giving them two choices, but actually you aren’t. For instance, ‘I want to dance with you, shall we dance on the floor or right here?’ or ‘I am going to buy you a drink, would you like a glass of wine or a vodka?’ or ‘We are going to get to know each other, are you going to give me your number or add me on Facebook?’ The brain processes it as two distinct choices and the first instinct is to pick one of them. Starting your sentence positively shows that you’re confident and is a turn-on in itself.

Do something that she will remember you the next day for. Whether it is getting her number or making plans for your next meeting, try and leave an impression, something that will get her thinking about you.



Last modified on Sunday, 17 June 2012 02:14

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