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Thursday, 10 November 2011 17:40

Dating With Dignity Part 1 by International Life Coach Malti Bhojwani

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Dating With Dignity - Part 1

How to Get Back to Dating Again after a Break up of a Long Relationship

Excerpts of this was featured in

The Times of India and The Mumbai Mirror on the 9th of November 2011 written by Kevin Lobo

After a long relationship and having a lifestyle of always socializing as a couple with couples, sex on tap if wanted, not having to go out looking for intimacy, it can be daunting, almost to get back in, but if you have a positive and light perspective, it can be lots of fun and very fulfilling.

 

After being complacent for so long if you have let your charm, fitness or dressing go, it is time to pick them all up again. This is the best time to reclaim activities that you allowed to let slide when you were in the relationship. We do change after every intimate relationship and now that you are out, it make a little bit of time to learn who you are again. What is the image you identify with yourself as a single person now. Perhaps you dresses a certain way or ate a type of cuisine more because of your ex-partner, and the grey area can be tricky to separate. What did you adopt that you still love and what did you let go of that you want to take up again. Who are you now?

 

Make sure that you have taken your time to get over the relationship as best you can in order to truly feel emotionally independent again. Breakups cause a sense of grief just like losing a loved one. You need to go through the 5 stages of grief as described by Kubler-Ross with the acronym DABDA are:

 

D – Denial “This can’t be happening to me”

A – Anger “Why me?” Blaming others, the person and everyone you think was involved, including God

B – Bargaining - Begging and pleading for the person to want to get back with you

D – Depression – After the bargaining fails, then depression sets in and sadness.

A – Acceptance – this is where you want to get as soon as possible, because all the self-healing and moving on can only happen when you finally accept.


Though it is very personal and people do have varying responses, some stay at a particular stage longer than others depending on their attitude. In my experience as a coach, a lot of men get stuck in Anger and women between bargaining and depression. So, make sure that you have gotten through the stages and you are ready to go out thee and get your groove on again before you do or it could be disastrous and embarrassing. No one wants to have dinner with you while you are still crying over your ex or scheming ways to ruin their lives!


You now know what u don't want, and you don't know what you want so don't jump into a relationship too quick, date and meet lots of people.


Learn to flirt again...use your eyes, words, body language and texts to show lightness and charm and you'll be back in the game in no time!

 

I have noticed that people have skipped the "dating" part and go straight to mating...it's either casual booty calls or serious commitment that leads to marriage, dating as one of the most fun activities two people can enjoy vertically has been forgotten, unfortunately and this is so sad as it is the best way to get to know a few people without getting too involved emotionally or physically, this is the best way to learn again what you do want now.


Remember we change after relationships and to assume that we still want the same things is silly. You are older and in a different phase of your life now, what was crucial then is not anymore, your priorities may have changed, you need to allow yourself to meet with and explore different people to learn what you like now and what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with this time round.

 

There are a lot of single people out there of all ages and if you can be open, honest and charming let your friends all know u r back to meet people, and go out as much as you can to different social outings, meals, friends places, travel, basically involve yourself in anything that enables you to be thrown together with other single people. I do find that introductions work best...people with your best interest at heart, who know you would be the best way to meet people through. Please have the sense to stay away from married and committed predators who may have sensed your vulnerability from miles away.

 

One of my clients said to me,

 

"When I came out of a 2+ year relationship, the 6 months that followed were the most liberating and fun months in my own life...dating on my terms, making sure that I respected and was honest with them, calling it quits when it was no fun and then finally narrowing it down when I found compatibility and comfort and knew I was ready for exclusivity again"

 

Your predicament is not so uncommon, if you are willing to be open and share you will find that a lot of others are in the same boat and would be happy to test the waters of dating again with you. As a guy, your basic primal instinct is to hunt, so hunt you must, if you meet someone you do like, then follow up with a text or call the next day which is specific in your offer, “Lovely meeting you last night, I would like to get to know you better, which night this week can I take you out to dinner?” For girls, allow the men to do the hunting no matter how much you like them. You got your chance to show your charming beautiful and happily single self, now allow.


As I always say, relationships is the best place to learn about ourselves. The more intimate, the more we learn, I believe that even people who say they are happy single are looking for someone to change their mind.

 

Signup for 12 sessions of life coaching to help you date with dignity. Whether you are a man or women, desperation is the biggest turn off. Learn how to identify and clear your subconscious belief that keep you repeating the same patters of attracting the wrong people. You are not attracting the wrong ones, you are just allowing them to stick around long after you know on some levels that they are not for you.

 

Learn to clarify your values and priorities. Learn to hold your language, body and emotions in a way that is attractive to finding that love you so DESERVE and DESIRE.

 

MCI's 12 session program runs internationally for $1,800 and it will be the best $150 a week you have ever spent.

 

Recent Testimonials from repeat and ongoing clients:

 

"how soon can we restart, I feel the entire Universe conspiring and responding wholeheartedly to my desires since working with you, you are indeed the perfect instrument for me"

"The two times I’ve started a program with you, I’ve always begun with a really frazzled mind. By the time we’re nearing the end, I’m somewhat at peace with all my issues and I can see my goals firming up and slowly materializing. I think my goals more of less remain the same, always about relationships, career, physique /health / appearance, financial and emotional security and independence. To be perfectly honest, I think I’m in a really good place at the moment and I want to start working with you again for another three months, when can we start?"

 

 


Last modified on Sunday, 17 June 2012 02:11

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