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Wednesday, 14 March 2012 13:30

Emotional Independence - revolving around your OWN Axix

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I was sitting with a thought as I was in a little discomfort over someone revolving their emotions around someone else and it came to me.

When you can find your center, the center of your body, your thoughts and emotions and your language, you can revolve around your own axis. When you revolve your life on someone outside of you, you lose your own alignment.


When you are dependent on the other person to make you happy, it is not love it is dependency. Need. Need is not love.


Just as the earth revolves around its own axis daily and through this eternal gentle revolving, it also revolves around the sun, if you don’t find your own axis and you don’t gently revolve around it, you cannot be for anyone. – MB 2012



We talk about Emotional Intelligence and Financial Independence, what about Emotional Independence which in my opinion is the most empowering attitude anyone can have.


So is there a guy or girl in your life and you are unsure about where it is going? Are you happy most days or incessantly looking at your phone to see if he or she has called?


Do you check if your messages went through and wonder if maybe Vodafone is down today? Do you check and re-check to see that you did not miss a call?  Was this meant to be casual or were you hoping that it would turn into some kind of a relationship?


NEWSFLASH: You are emotionally DEPENDENT!


Read my next article “Do You Need A Relationship To Be Happy?”


This is ironic and yet it isn’t. Of the 6 basic human needs, as listed by Tony Robbins and derived from Maslow's hierarchy of needs. 2 of these needs are Certainty and Uncertainty. Human beings need both. We need certainty, so we can trust and depend on certain structures, beliefs and people and we need uncertainty so we can experience adventure and not feel bored. So in this conversation it is normal to want to casual date for a while and then suddenly reassess and desire something more substantial.


Some of our basic needs are conflicting so what is needed is to find the balance. The balance between emotional independence and intimacy is also something that you will have to cultivate when you are in a loving relationship. However until then, if you find that your general mood, your work efficiency and your well being is affected by things he does or does not do during the course of the week, you are unhealthily emotionally dependent.


Remember the only way to find the right relationship for you is to first be Happy Single. It is about emotional independence.


"One of the false beliefs that it is important to let go of, is the belief that we need another person in our lives to make us whole. As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be victims."

– Robert Burney



We know this is hard to accept. We've heard it all—every rationalization imaginable...he was going to call but didn't. Now you're sure it's because you didn't smile or talked too much or didn't thank him for dinner... The bottom line is, if he hasn't called, he's not that interested. —“The Rules”

An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way. Harriet Lerner – Dance of Intimacy


Don't waste time on a fantasy relationship. You may have a good rapport with your doctor, lawyer or accountant, and you may find yourself wondering if he is interested in you romantically. How can you know for sure? If he's never asked you out, then  - “He's Just Not That Into You!”


Even though it's what you feel, is it necessary
to tell him that on the first date? Oprah Winfrey


Then, once you have centred on your axis and you meet someone who has also centred on theirs and you come together and there is a collision of axis and there is confusion and commotion and you are destabilized and you shift from your centre, then if after the initial combustion, you can realign so that you can revolve on your own axis and simultaneously rotate with the other body.


Then you may have found a true and balanced way of relating thus a healthy relationship  and you maintain and grow your individuality and you serve the world as well and live your own purpose whilst simultaneously relating lovingly with another. .... Then WOW!!!!



Malti Bhojwani is an experienced Professional Certified Life Coach and the founder of Multi Coaching International. For more information on personalized one-on-one coaching by phone visit:

Multi Coaching International offers a one off phone/skype coaching session US$180



Last modified on Sunday, 17 June 2012 02:07

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