Dating, Love & Relationships MCI International with over 12 years experience provides all aspects of Personal and Corporate Life Coaching needs. http://www.multi-coaching.com Sun, 19 May 2013 06:42:38 +0000 Joomla! 1.5 - Open Source Content Management en-gb How to get out of the Serial Casual Dating Rut. Kevin Lobo speaks to Life Coach Malti Bhojwani and a Clinical Psychologist http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/How-to-get-out-of-the-Serial-Casual-Dating-Rut.-Kevin-Lobo-speaks-to-Life-Coach-Malti-Bhojwani-and-a-Clinical-Psychologist.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/How-to-get-out-of-the-Serial-Casual-Dating-Rut.-Kevin-Lobo-speaks-to-Life-Coach-Malti-Bhojwani-and-a-Clinical-Psychologist.html

 

Stop being a playa - as featured in the Mumbai Mirror

Kevin Lobo speaks to Clinical Psychologist Salma Prabhu and Professional Life Coach Malti Bhojwani to help you break the pattern.

 

You’re tired of casual dating and want to switch to a more serious lane. Here’s how to shift gears

 

Posted On Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 12:37:47 PM

 

 

So you have been adding more partners to that tally board you've maintained in your diary. Olympic record close at hand. But suddenly you are hit with the realization that you want something more from your relationships. Casual dating can be a fun experience, but if you indulge in it for too long a time, it can turn into a pattern. And emotional patterns are very hard to break. If you are sick of dinners leading to drinks, and then a little sweating between the sheets, heed the advice of our experts.

Identity card
Casual dating within its limits is fun, but a lot of people tend to hide their demons behind it. Life Coach Malti Bhojwani says, “Many people who date casually are not happy with themselves. They think they are not good enough for a serious relationship, hence they will not commit to anyone.”

Such people even when they want to make a conscious switch to dating seriously are unable to do so. To rectify this problem clinical psychologist Salma Prabhu has a solution. She says, “Such a conflicted person must spot what he or she is looking for in a relationship. It could be anything from emotional to sexual to having fun to just wanting someone to talk to.”

This “identification analysis” is the key to realizing what is wrong in the first place. Your dates and the decisions that you take during them are indicative to an emotional need. Once these are identified, you can work on changing things around. Only after you have identified what your pattern is and have decided to work on it, can you be open to dating again.

Communicate
Now, this might seem really obvious but it is not. For people who have been dating casually for too long, having a serious conversation about what they are looking for in a relationship can be the most difficult part. This is a combination of both verbal and non-verbal communication. Prabhu says, “Everything from your body language to the way you treat your date signifies how serious you are looking to get. So for example, if you meet your date and tell him/her that she is looking hot and not beautiful or charming, your message is clear.”

A person who wants to be in a relationship will make the effort. So messaging and calling, and taking the effort to woo a person, is all part of it. Bhojwani says, “If you have an air about you that you are too cool for relationships or that you will do anything to not appear vulnerable, it is one of the biggest signs that you are looking for something casual. If your inner feelings of wanting something serious and your portrayal of not caring how a date is going to go are incongruous, then there is something wrong here.”

Defences up
Because casual dating is all about finding the shortest way to a short-lived happiness, venturing into the real dating world can be full of hurt and rejection. You need to prepare yourself for this mentally. You need to try and judge a person faster as well. Salma Prabhu says, “You can't keep going out for dates and then realize that the person is just like the others you were going out with casually. I would recommend not more than two dates with a person, to judge how they are.” This may seem like a short period of time, but you can't go around feeling de-motivated and frustrated when things don't work out.

Draw a thick line
Bhojwani feels that while most people can turn down a booty call, serial casual daters find it a very difficult. “You have to stop taking every opportunity that comes your way. You need to sit back, and choose,” says Malti. Sleeping on a first date is a strict no-no.

“Instant gratification is something that serial casual daters get so used to that they have to relearn the art of saying no. Let your partner shower you with attention, let them woo you. You aren't playing hard to get, you are just taking things slow so that you know where this is leading. If your date is not interested, he/she will leave. At least you know you aren't part of that cycle any more.”

Many serial dating ‘Barneys’ think they are not good enough  for a serious relationship

 

Like Malti Bhojwani Professional Certified Life Coach & Author's Page on Facebook to read more of her posts and articles.

 

To book yourself a personal phone coaching session with Malti, scroll all the way down and click on the paypal link for US$180 (approx Rs9,200) This is for a 45min-1hours phone session with her personally.

 

 

 

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Dating, Love & Relationships Thu, 29 Mar 2012 11:16:52 +0000
Do You Need A Relationship To Be Happy? By Malti Bhojwani http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Do-You-Need-A-Relationship-To-Be-Happy-By-Malti-Bhojwani.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Do-You-Need-A-Relationship-To-Be-Happy-By-Malti-Bhojwani.html

In fact, if you want to attract

true love, having a fabulous single life is just the thing to do.

Being happy makes you a love magnet - you will attract LOVE

into your life.

Here are 5 Ps to illustrate ways to be Happily Single. I should

know ☺

PEOPLE

Build a strong network of people who are there for you, people

who care about you and your life.

Often, singles feel lonely and disconnected,

which affects their day to day lives. They believe that the only

way to get their emotional needs met is through a partner. Yet

so many other people in your life can meet many of your

needs.

The more your needs get met, the less needy and the more

attractive you become. Also, the more your needs get met, the

less you need a partner. Needing a partner is a sure fire way

to never finding one!

Expecting a partner, one other human being to fulfill all your

needs is also putting too much pressure on the one

relationship. We all need to have a group of people who fulfill

different needs for us.

Look for clubs, groups or classes around subjects that interest

you. Rekindle relationships by reaching out to people already

in your life. Friends and relatives are a good place to start.

Seek out how you can contribute to their lives, instead of

wondering what they can give you.

PLEASURE

Think of the last times you smiled and felt blissful. Think of

how good you felt after doing something nurturing and

pleasurable.

Many of us singles do without pleasure and self-care and focus

all our energy on our work. It is as if we ourselves don't

matter; only our accomplishments do. Some of us tell

ourselves that when we find someone, it will all change, so we

decide that we will make time for pleasure with that someone,

but what about now for ourselves?

Think of adding luxurious, pleasurable things to

your day. These don't have to be huge and expensive,

perhaps a short drive, a few minutes reading a book, a nap, a

cream or cologne that smells or feels good, a nice meal,

listening to your favorite happy song. Mine is “I Can See

Clearly Now” by Bob Marley.

Pick three such things that you can do easily by remembering

the last few times you felt truly in bliss.

Or ask me how to make your very own Pleasure Lists.

Some of you who have coached with me would already have a

long list.

Try this perspective for size. There are only two emotions that

exist - Pleasure and Pain. Every other emotion we feel is a

degree or a variation of Pleasure or Pain.

When you are not “in pleasure”, you are “in pain” the absence

of pleasure is pain. Does not sound so good does it? So, keep

this in mind and see how many more hours a day you can be

“in pleasure” rather than “in pain.”

POWER OF NOW

Are you still waiting to be in a relationship to live the kind of

life you want and to do the things you love to do. Yet your life

happens now, today. It is not a dress rehearsal for when you

have a relationship. Read Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power Of Now”

When you want to do stuff, but stop yourself because you are

single, you are doing a dishonor to yourself. On the other

hand, living the life you want now enlivens and energizes

you. It gives you a sense of well being and happiness. And

living your life now also makes you very attractive! Remember

that attraction is present even when it is not visible. Think of a

magnet and its ability to draw to itself. Feel truly happy and

start magnetizing!

Read the late Lynn Grabhorn’s “Excuse Me, Your Life is

Waiting” or Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret” to learn more about

how the Law of Attraction truly works

List the things you have not already done only because you

have been waiting to do them with your next wife, girlfriend,

husband, boyfriend, because you have been “saving” them to

do later with the love of your life. I always wanted to ride on a

hot-air balloon ideally with the man of my dreams, but the

opportunity presented itself to take that soaring flight with a

friend instead and I did! It was exhilarating!

List them and pick a few that excite you the most and do them

now. Don’t worry about “using them up” you can always do

them again when you find that partner.

PUT THE PAST IN THE PAST

We really have to let go of all past hurts and resentments.

Some of us hold on to the past as a way of preventing the

same thing from happening in the future.

Others hold on because they don't know how to let go. Either

way, the past drains your vital life energy. We worry that we

will continue to have unhappy, unsuccessful relationships.

Many believe that they will have to “settle for less” or risk

dying single.

It is these negative, self-doubting beliefs that attract more of

what we don’t want. We will subconsciously attract the

“wrong” type of people into our lives to help us act out our

self-fulfilling prophecies.

Learn how to let go. Read books, go to workshops and

seminars,

hire a therapist or a coach. Keep learning new ways to let go

of the past, and then apply them to gaining more and more

freedom.

Trust and believe that only good things and people will come

into your life! Be willing to trust and free-fall. What is the

absolute worst that could happen? You could meet someone

that is not appropriate, but remember that with every wrong

person you do meet, you are learning and coming that one

step closer to meeting the right one!

PASSION & PURPOSE

Have a purpose for waking up in the morning. Have a vision of

your place in the world and what you want to contribute to

others.

Rabbi Hillel: "If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?

And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now,

when?"

Yes we have to be for ourselves, that was what all the other Ps

was about, but a life’s purpose is about more than just

ourselves. Only when we are giving and enhancing other lives

in some way, will we be in line with our purpose and only

when we are moving towards living our life’s purpose do we

feel fulfilled and truly happy.

Waiting for a relationship to infuse your life with passion and

purpose is useless. A loving partner is not a substitute for a

meaningful life. Single or attached, your life's purpose is your

own, and will ignite you when you pursue it. You will know you

have found it when you feel truly happy every morning.

List things that light you up. What can you talk about for hours

without losing steam? Whatever that may be, it is a part of

your life purpose. Now get into action, if not now, when?

 

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Dating, Love & Relationships Wed, 14 Mar 2012 08:17:33 +0000
Emotional Independence - revolving around your OWN Axix http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Emotional-Independence-revolving-around-your-OWN-Axix.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Emotional-Independence-revolving-around-your-OWN-Axix.html

 

 

I was sitting with a thought as I was in a little discomfort over someone revolving their emotions around someone else and it came to me.

When you can find your center, the center of your body, your thoughts and emotions and your language, you can revolve around your own axis. When you revolve your life on someone outside of you, you lose your own alignment.

 

When you are dependent on the other person to make you happy, it is not love it is dependency. Need. Need is not love.

 

Just as the earth revolves around its own axis daily and through this eternal gentle revolving, it also revolves around the sun, if you don’t find your own axis and you don’t gently revolve around it, you cannot be for anyone. – MB 2012

 

 

We talk about Emotional Intelligence and Financial Independence, what about Emotional Independence which in my opinion is the most empowering attitude anyone can have.

 

So is there a guy or girl in your life and you are unsure about where it is going? Are you happy most days or incessantly looking at your phone to see if he or she has called?

 

Do you check if your messages went through and wonder if maybe Vodafone is down today? Do you check and re-check to see that you did not miss a call?  Was this meant to be casual or were you hoping that it would turn into some kind of a relationship?

 

NEWSFLASH: You are emotionally DEPENDENT!

 

Read my next article “Do You Need A Relationship To Be Happy?”

 

This is ironic and yet it isn’t. Of the 6 basic human needs, as listed by Tony Robbins and derived from Maslow's hierarchy of needs. 2 of these needs are Certainty and Uncertainty. Human beings need both. We need certainty, so we can trust and depend on certain structures, beliefs and people and we need uncertainty so we can experience adventure and not feel bored. So in this conversation it is normal to want to casual date for a while and then suddenly reassess and desire something more substantial.

 

Some of our basic needs are conflicting so what is needed is to find the balance. The balance between emotional independence and intimacy is also something that you will have to cultivate when you are in a loving relationship. However until then, if you find that your general mood, your work efficiency and your well being is affected by things he does or does not do during the course of the week, you are unhealthily emotionally dependent.

 

Remember the only way to find the right relationship for you is to first be Happy Single. It is about emotional independence.

 

"One of the false beliefs that it is important to let go of, is the belief that we need another person in our lives to make us whole. As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be victims."

– Robert Burney

 

 

We know this is hard to accept. We've heard it all—every rationalization imaginable...he was going to call but didn't. Now you're sure it's because you didn't smile or talked too much or didn't thank him for dinner... The bottom line is, if he hasn't called, he's not that interested. —“The Rules”

An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way. Harriet Lerner – Dance of Intimacy

 

Don't waste time on a fantasy relationship. You may have a good rapport with your doctor, lawyer or accountant, and you may find yourself wondering if he is interested in you romantically. How can you know for sure? If he's never asked you out, then  - “He's Just Not That Into You!”

 

Even though it's what you feel, is it necessary
to tell him that on the first date? Oprah Winfrey

 

Then, once you have centred on your axis and you meet someone who has also centred on theirs and you come together and there is a collision of axis and there is confusion and commotion and you are destabilized and you shift from your centre, then if after the initial combustion, you can realign so that you can revolve on your own axis and simultaneously rotate with the other body.

 

Then you may have found a true and balanced way of relating thus a healthy relationship  and you maintain and grow your individuality and you serve the world as well and live your own purpose whilst simultaneously relating lovingly with another. .... Then WOW!!!!

 

 

Malti Bhojwani is an experienced Professional Certified Life Coach and the founder of Multi Coaching International. For more information on personalized one-on-one coaching by phone visit: http://www.multi-coaching.com

Multi Coaching International offers a one off phone/skype coaching session US$180

 

 

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Dating, Love & Relationships Wed, 14 Mar 2012 08:00:16 +0000
Make your arguments productive by Life Coach Malti Bhojwani http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Make-your-arguments-productive-by-Life-Coach-Malti-Bhojwani.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Make-your-arguments-productive-by-Life-Coach-Malti-Bhojwani.html



 

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Dating, Love & Relationships Fri, 09 Mar 2012 18:20:10 +0000
Date excessively, mate exclusively by Life Coach Malti Bhojwani PCC http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Date-excessively-mate-exclusively-by-Life-Coach-Malti-Bhojwani-PCC.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Date-excessively-mate-exclusively-by-Life-Coach-Malti-Bhojwani-PCC.html

 

Men and women fall in love differently, while women feel an immediate affection and care for the man, men are usually only physically attracted at first. They like the way she looks or they think they could bed her easily. Men think about sex every time they meet a woman. Their filters work immediately putting her in one of three categories, 1) they may want to sleep with her, they will never sleep with her or definitely want to sleep with her. After she’s been categorized in this way comes the further line of questioning…..which is usually, “yeah just for a one-nighter, or a quick fling” or hmmmm she may make an interesting friend, or lastly, I realllllly like her, and I think I could fall in love with her. Of course this last category is the minority.


Although men do want to find “the one” too, they have been spoilt by sex being so readily available unlike in the previous generations, making them less likely to want to commit too soon as an intrinsic physiological disposition is to sow their oats as many and as far as they can!

 

Unfortunately women do have the raw end of the proverbial stick, as this delay in wanting to commit and settle down on the male’s part leads to the women’s biological clock starting to tick, family and societal pressures kicking in and they become desperate to make things happen faster because they are so frustrated with waiting and waiting for the right guy to show up or for the men around to make a real move on them.

 

This often leads to women either making first moves, or trying to rush the whole dating ritual, and some even jumping into bed with these men and this in turn has the reverse effect on the men, as physiologically they would retract and run away. The women moving in too fast killed the chase for the man, which is what he was designed to do.

 

If he is really interested in her in the last category – the “I could fall in love with her” one, then things will flow with ease and he will make plans to take her out, be very curious about her life, work, friends, family and her dreams.

 

On the flip side, when she falls into any of the other categories, he may say you will call, take the number and never call, the two may hang out casually but never actually make plans to go out specifically, he may sleep with her but never call her his girlfriend, call/text late at night to hang-out (hook up), be evasive about his own plans for the weekend, not wanting to commit to doing anything with her unless nothing more exciting comes up. When he offers casual “hook-ups” - read late night booty calls, what he is saying to the her is: “I like spending time/having sex with you, I am selfish and I do not like or respect you enough to commit to being your boyfriend”

 

And when women with low self esteem, accept this offer, in the hope that they may truly be OK with mating the way men do, thinking that the physical intimacy may fill the emotional void, or they may be insanely thinking that “maybe if we have sex often enough, he will fall in love with me” all she is doing is reaffirming her low self regard, which is “I am not good enough”

 

Trading sex for love and intimacy never works.

 

Women need to wake up to learning to work on building trust with a man with whom she can be honest about her feelings with before trusting him with her body.

 

So girls, don’t look at every guy who asks you out as if he is “the one”. Remember that you too may have to kiss a few frogs before one of them turns into your prince. But ladies, leave it at kissing please, more than that is not going to turn a confirmed frog into anything else, it will only cause him to slip out of your grasps and hop hop hop way to the next potential.

 

When women opt to sleep with their dates really early in the game so that “he does not lose interest” guess what, he would lose interest anyway, and she will end up feeling needy and emotional, making her even more unattractive to him.

 

So even at first chance, women fall for the charm and conversation and men for the looks. This is not superficial or bad, it just is, it is how our brains are wired differently.

 

When he is attracted and then she responds positively to some of his attempts, he becomes more interested (he sees hope) if she does not show any interest it is very easy for an emotionally independent man to walk away without too many of his feathers being ruffled.

 

However if he sees some appreciation coming back then he is a man on a mission to make her really like him even though at this stage he himself is not quite sure what he is going to want to do with her once he’s successful. Men do not waste time thinking when they are in “pursuit” or “hunting” mode.

 

This is the best time for the girl as this is when he is showing off what he can do, he is very charming and attentive, he wants her to like him a lot!
Now, please do not misread this, he is not falling for her, his focus is on making her fall in love with him. He likes her, don’t get me wrong, but he is still far from loving or committing to her.

 

All this while he has been so busy pursuing her and making her like him that he has not paused for a second to ask himself if he really likes her.

 

When he is convinced that she’s in love, only then does he sit back and evaluate, using a combination of logic and feelings to decide if he wants to be with her at all. If at this stage he decides he can see a future with her, he truly likes her, he will allow himself to fall in love, if however he does not see it, he will lose interest, get bored and move on or for some men, he may look at the ROI (return on investment), “I’ve spent so much time and money on her taking her out, I might as well get something.” So unfortunately, this is when he may “just for the sake of it” seduce her to bed, only to slowly fade away soon after, leaving her quite disillusioned and hurt.

 

It may be selfish, but it is just how men are made. Pursue, chase, hunt and then decide what to do with the captive. This may sound really unfair and women would think it is a horrible thing to do, but this is just how it is (mostly) so be aware and hold your horses as well.

 

 

 

Part of this article was featured in The Times of India in an article by Kevin Lobo on the 20th of February 2012

Excerpts were also featured in GuyLife.com on the 1st of March 2012

Book a coaching session with Professional Certified Life Coach Malti Bhojwani and embrace your self esteem again.

Click below to go to through the payment process. $180

After the first call, when you choose to work with her for 12 sessions, the $180 will be deducted from the $1800.

 

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Dating, Love & Relationships Fri, 09 Mar 2012 18:02:03 +0000
Get Better In 2012 - How to: Have Better Sex [Part 2] by Malti Bhojwani for GuyLife - Times Of India http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Get-Better-In-2012-How-to-Have-Better-Sex-Part-2-by-Malti-Bhojwani-for-GuyLife-Times-Of-India.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Get-Better-In-2012-How-to-Have-Better-Sex-Part-2-by-Malti-Bhojwani-for-GuyLife-Times-Of-India.html

Here at Guylife, we are firm believers in the fact that new years bring with them the opportunity to make fresh starts. That's why we're launching a series called Get Better in 2012, featuring tips to help you get smarter, fitter, and more on top of your game than ever before. Like us on Facebook to get all these posts directly on your news feed!

 

Malti Bhojwani is a certified life coach who offers her services at Multi Coaching International.

This is part two of the article and it is not sex tips but rather how to treat your partner out of the bedroom in order to build intimacy for a more fulfilling relationship.

Contrary to the spoilers, Malti does not offer sex-tips but rather a professional, ontological life coach serving thousands of individuals in bettering their lives, increasing their perspective and hence creating better results in ALL areas of their lives. She's also on Guylife's expert panel; begin the process of self-improvement by asking her a question.

Check out the first part of Malti's series in case you missed it.

http://guylife.com/news-tips/get-better-in-2012-how-to-have-better-sex-part-1/10559

The Art of Conversation

When was the last time you had a real conversation with your partner, where the two of you made requests and even promises? When was the last time you asked her intimate questions?

Often, in a long-term relationship, we take things for granted and fall into a routine. Find out what her fantasies are without judging her or laughing. You will be surprised to learn that her fantasies are very different from yours. Bring a few role-playing games into the bedroom to shed your inhibitions. This opens up more room for conversation and this will bring you closer together.

Men generally have very visual and carnal fantasies, but with women they are always about how the thoughts make them feel. Ask her to be honest and not worry about offending you or hurting your feelings. Ask her to show you what she likes and what she really dislikes.

It is incredibly sad that because of lack of communication couples have to endure stuff that completely annoys or repels them. That too with the one person who is supposed to be a source of pleasure!

Call her or send her a message during the day to ask her how she’s doing.  Let her know you are thinking of her and maybe thinking of the smell of her hair or the feel of her waist. Be sensual in your communication and not just not sexual. However, if she encourages you in her responses then go ahead, indulge is some 'sexting'--or sexual texting!

Hit her spot

Now for the part you have been dreading, and I am sure you will be shaking your head saying that this is my personal conspiracy favoring womankind. I promise you it is not what you’re thinking! 

If you want more action in the bedroom, pick up some of the slack in the other rooms as well. If you are married with kids, be a good father, spend time with the kids. If you live together, help out around the house.

Acknowledge that she needs rest just as much as you do. Guys often like to believe that when you come home from work, the TV should be yours and that you should not be disturbed while you unwind and that all your other needs should be fulfilled. But what about her needs?

Try it out for a week and I am sure you will be much happier. A little bit of kindness and housework never killed any one! And if you even have the audacity to shout at her or snap at her or even worse, if you are rude to her and put her down, you can kiss good sex goodbye!

You cannot expect your partner to do all the housework, look after the kids, be told off by you and then come to bed all turned on. She will come to bed alright, but she'll be exhausted and resentful. And those aren't ingredients for better sex!

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Dating, Love & Relationships Wed, 01 Feb 2012 07:56:37 +0000
No. 1 Matrimonial Site Shaadi.com: featuring Q&A with Malti Bhojwani http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/No.-1-Matrimonial-Site-Shaadi.com-featuring-QA-with-Malti-Bhojwani.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/No.-1-Matrimonial-Site-Shaadi.com-featuring-QA-with-Malti-Bhojwani.html

 

ShaadiTimes.com


Malti Bhojwani is the founder of Multi Coaching International, a certified and experienced life coach, NLP practitioner (Neuro Linguistic Programming), workshop leader and published author. She mainly coaches by phone where her clients have lost weight, found partners, gotten over past relationships and changed their lives using her skills and powerful exercises.

Be Patient

Zahira (name changed) asks,
I met a guy on Shaadi.com and we've been in touch for almost a year and a half. I'm very anxious to meet the guy but he doesn't seem to be taking any initiative. It's always me pushing for things to move forward. Do you think that's a good sign? I would greatly appreciate any insight you can offer.

Dear Zahira,

Online or offline, we women need to maintain our dignity and trust in the fact that if a guy is interested, then he will 'move mountains' to speak to his partner. If you have been in communication for over a year, it does seem strange that he has not taken the initiative to see you. Try not to get too attached with him. Remember, you are free to make your choices and anything that does not flow is usually just not meant to be. If I were in place of you, I would let it go and explore other people. First, reassess what you are really looking for in a life partner and the values and attributes that are essential to you and then re-look your profile and perhaps tweak it a little. Open yourself up to the Universe to bring to you what you are looking for. If he is the one, he will feel the loss and try to have you back. If not, I am sure there's someone much better in store for you.

Help Him Get Over it 

Prasad J S R asks,

My son's engagement was called off last year, as the girl decided to focus more on her career  than the marriage. Since then my son has been really upset about it and has lost interest in finding a girl. How do I convince my son to look for fresh matches?

Dear Prasad,

I'm sorry that your son's engagement was called off. I understand how he must have felt at that point. Heartache can be quite painful at any age and it sounds like he probably did have some hopes and dreams attached to this girl. It would be good for him to work on his self-esteem and zest for life. I am not a counselor or therapist and can’t really analyze why your son is not getting back into the groove of things. What I can suggest though is that you support him in rebuilding his joy and satisfaction in all other areas of his life. Once he starts feeling good about his work, career, personal life, finances, he'll change. Maybe then he'll start looking for a girl. Like, I always say in my workshops and to all my clients, if I asked you “DO NOT THINK OF A BLUE BALL” what happens? You automatically visualize a blue ball in your mind. So, asking him not to think about what happened will only make him dwell on it even more. Encourage and support him to focus on other things, instead.

Speak the Truth Always 

Nikkhil asks,

I'm a 23-year-old boy in love with a girl of the same age. My father's job is such that every two years he's transferred and because of this I've had to suffer. I had to keep changing my school every two years. I was also bullied during my schooling days. I have loads of issues surrounding me though I'm a good student. I could complete engineering in an average college with decent marks, whereas my girl has been very successful and ambitious and I have lied to her about myself, due to self-esteem issues. She likes me and has given out those signs. Now, I fear that I will lose her once she gets to know the truth. Kindly help!

Dear Nikkhil,

Say it to me now, say it to me anyway...the truth does set you free. When you build a relationship, especially one as meaningful and intimate as a marriage, you have to come clean with your important truths. If she loves you, she loves you for who you are, now, not your 'potential'. Having said that, for as long as you continue to blame your parents or your father’s job or all the humiliation you went through when you were bullied during your school days, you will continue to live in this story and feel miserable. You are happy and fine, and the sooner you realise that, you can get on the horse and make the changes that you need to make, so that you are more successful in your own eyes. This really matters.

It's Not Just Looks That Matter



Ramesh Dethe asks,

I'm a 45-year-old married man with two sons. I'm somehow not happy with my wife because she's not very great to look at. Also, I feel she's not an honest person. I want to have a love marriage through the internet, but I don't want to leave my wife, as I really love my sons. Is this possible? If not, why?

 

Dear Ramesh,

I am sorry and I don’t mean to offend you, but as much as I want to empathize with you, I do find it difficult to be non-judgmental that you would like to 'trade in' your unattractive wife for a better looking model. Looks are only skin deep and I would invite you to have a good look at yourself and your sons and look at all the sacrifices your wife must have made over the years just to be there for you. If you still think you can't be happy with your wife, I guess you are just left with one option and that is to divorce her and find someone you think is more compatible for you. You say that you love your sons, what does being with your wife have to do with loving your sons? If you really seek a second chance at love, then take the risk, leave your wife and see if you can find another woman you want to be with. Keeping two wives, to me sounds deceitful and unethical. By doing so, you'll also set a bad example for your kids. So, think about it.

 

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Dating, Love & Relationships Tue, 24 Jan 2012 14:57:11 +0000
Long Distance Call - Kevin Lobo speaks to experts including Malti Bhojwani http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Long-Distance-Call-Kevin-Lobo-speaks-to-experts-including-Malti-Bhojwani.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Long-Distance-Call-Kevin-Lobo-speaks-to-experts-including-Malti-Bhojwani.html

 

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Dating, Love & Relationships Fri, 20 Jan 2012 09:50:32 +0000
Dating With Dignity Part 1 by International Life Coach Malti Bhojwani http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Dating-With-Dignity-Part-1-by-International-Life-Coach-Malti-Bhojwani.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Oldest-Newest-and-Featured-articles/Dating-Love-Relationships/Dating-With-Dignity-Part-1-by-International-Life-Coach-Malti-Bhojwani.html

Dating With Dignity - Part 1

How to Get Back to Dating Again after a Break up of a Long Relationship

Excerpts of this was featured in

The Times of India and The Mumbai Mirror on the 9th of November 2011 written by Kevin Lobo

After a long relationship and having a lifestyle of always socializing as a couple with couples, sex on tap if wanted, not having to go out looking for intimacy, it can be daunting, almost to get back in, but if you have a positive and light perspective, it can be lots of fun and very fulfilling.

 

After being complacent for so long if you have let your charm, fitness or dressing go, it is time to pick them all up again. This is the best time to reclaim activities that you allowed to let slide when you were in the relationship. We do change after every intimate relationship and now that you are out, it make a little bit of time to learn who you are again. What is the image you identify with yourself as a single person now. Perhaps you dresses a certain way or ate a type of cuisine more because of your ex-partner, and the grey area can be tricky to separate. What did you adopt that you still love and what did you let go of that you want to take up again. Who are you now?

 

Make sure that you have taken your time to get over the relationship as best you can in order to truly feel emotionally independent again. Breakups cause a sense of grief just like losing a loved one. You need to go through the 5 stages of grief as described by Kubler-Ross with the acronym DABDA are:

 

D – Denial “This can’t be happening to me”

A – Anger “Why me?” Blaming others, the person and everyone you think was involved, including God

B – Bargaining - Begging and pleading for the person to want to get back with you

D – Depression – After the bargaining fails, then depression sets in and sadness.

A – Acceptance – this is where you want to get as soon as possible, because all the self-healing and moving on can only happen when you finally accept.


Though it is very personal and people do have varying responses, some stay at a particular stage longer than others depending on their attitude. In my experience as a coach, a lot of men get stuck in Anger and women between bargaining and depression. So, make sure that you have gotten through the stages and you are ready to go out thee and get your groove on again before you do or it could be disastrous and embarrassing. No one wants to have dinner with you while you are still crying over your ex or scheming ways to ruin their lives!


You now know what u don't want, and you don't know what you want so don't jump into a relationship too quick, date and meet lots of people.


Learn to flirt again...use your eyes, words, body language and texts to show lightness and charm and you'll be back in the game in no time!

 

I have noticed that people have skipped the "dating" part and go straight to mating...it's either casual booty calls or serious commitment that leads to marriage, dating as one of the most fun activities two people can enjoy vertically has been forgotten, unfortunately and this is so sad as it is the best way to get to know a few people without getting too involved emotionally or physically, this is the best way to learn again what you do want now.


Remember we change after relationships and to assume that we still want the same things is silly. You are older and in a different phase of your life now, what was crucial then is not anymore, your priorities may have changed, you need to allow yourself to meet with and explore different people to learn what you like now and what kind of person you want to spend the rest of your life with this time round.

 

There are a lot of single people out there of all ages and if you can be open, honest and charming let your friends all know u r back to meet people, and go out as much as you can to different social outings, meals, friends places, travel, basically involve yourself in anything that enables you to be thrown together with other single people. I do find that introductions work best...people with your best interest at heart, who know you would be the best way to meet people through. Please have the sense to stay away from married and committed predators who may have sensed your vulnerability from miles away.

 

One of my clients said to me,

 

"When I came out of a 2+ year relationship, the 6 months that followed were the most liberating and fun months in my own life...dating on my terms, making sure that I respected and was honest with them, calling it quits when it was no fun and then finally narrowing it down when I found compatibility and comfort and knew I was ready for exclusivity again"

 

Your predicament is not so uncommon, if you are willing to be open and share you will find that a lot of others are in the same boat and would be happy to test the waters of dating again with you. As a guy, your basic primal instinct is to hunt, so hunt you must, if you meet someone you do like, then follow up with a text or call the next day which is specific in your offer, “Lovely meeting you last night, I would like to get to know you better, which night this week can I take you out to dinner?” For girls, allow the men to do the hunting no matter how much you like them. You got your chance to show your charming beautiful and happily single self, now allow.


As I always say, relationships is the best place to learn about ourselves. The more intimate, the more we learn, I believe that even people who say they are happy single are looking for someone to change their mind.

 

Signup for 12 sessions of life coaching to help you date with dignity. Whether you are a man or women, desperation is the biggest turn off. Learn how to identify and clear your subconscious belief that keep you repeating the same patters of attracting the wrong people. You are not attracting the wrong ones, you are just allowing them to stick around long after you know on some levels that they are not for you.

 

Learn to clarify your values and priorities. Learn to hold your language, body and emotions in a way that is attractive to finding that love you so DESERVE and DESIRE.

 

MCI's 12 session program runs internationally for $1,800 and it will be the best $150 a week you have ever spent.

 

Recent Testimonials from repeat and ongoing clients:

 

"how soon can we restart, I feel the entire Universe conspiring and responding wholeheartedly to my desires since working with you, you are indeed the perfect instrument for me"

"The two times I’ve started a program with you, I’ve always begun with a really frazzled mind. By the time we’re nearing the end, I’m somewhat at peace with all my issues and I can see my goals firming up and slowly materializing. I think my goals more of less remain the same, always about relationships, career, physique /health / appearance, financial and emotional security and independence. To be perfectly honest, I think I’m in a really good place at the moment and I want to start working with you again for another three months, when can we start?"

 

 

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Dating, Love & Relationships Thu, 10 Nov 2011 12:10:46 +0000
Jumpstart your love life - As Featured on Yahoo India by Sayoni Sinha http://www.multi-coaching.com/Blog/July-2011/Jumpstart-your-love-life-As-Featured-on-Yahoo-India-by-Sayoni-Sinha.html http://www.multi-coaching.com/Blog/July-2011/Jumpstart-your-love-life-As-Featured-on-Yahoo-India-by-Sayoni-Sinha.html

 

 

Jumpstart your love life

 

By Sayoni Sinha - featuring Malti Bhojwani - | Yahoo India – Fri, Jul 15, 2011 6:33 PM IST

 

You have just been introduced to this gorgeous cousin of your friend. She seems friendly and you want to ask her out for coffee. "Be cautious in your approach as most women have been trained, especially in India to treat any approach firstly with dismissal," says Life coach Malti Bhojwani as she takes you through a scientific way of approaching women.

 

A behavioural science developed in the '70s, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) studies how people conduct themselves in different situations. The founders discovered that people achieve best results with the application of a few selected techniques which is now called NLP. These techniques have been used across industries and now you can apply them too.


Getting started:

 

Before you head out to meet women, you need to be very clear about your intended outcome. One of the pillars of using NLP is to have a clearly thought out desired outcome in mind. If you want to get a few phone numbers, meet someone you can chat with and start dating, pick up someone you could sleep with urgently, whatever it is you are thinking, you will be giving out and on some level, the women will pick up on it.

 

Get connected:

 

Once you have got her attention, build a rapport.

Rapport is a feeling of being comfortable with someone and trusting them. Build instant rapport by mirroring. Always stand next to her, approach her from the side, you want to be on "her camp" on her side, comment on the other guys in the room and girls as if you too are a spectator Speaking at a similar speed, and using a similar amount of gestures. Listen and let her lead the conversation. For a woman, having deep communication and being understood is a huge sexual turn-on, and this is why mirroring works so well in attracting them to you sexually.

 

 

Touch therapy:

 

Test early in the conversation if you can touch her. Start with the top of the hand and even the elbow or the shoulder; offer your hand when walking through uneven steps or a crowded room….if well received you can put your hand on her waist or the small of her back lightly. When she laughs, touch her hand or elbow, do this a few times and you will be able to elicit her to laugh or at least smile later when you fire the same trigger

 

Bulls-eye:

 

At the end ask for what you want. Suggest going somewhere else together, a coffee shop, or to met the next day? Use the Double Bind" where it appears like you are giving them two choices, but you aren't. "I want to dance with you, shall we dance on the floor or right here?" I am going to buy you a drink, would you like a glass of wine or vodka?" We are going to get to know each other, are you going to give me your number or add me on facebook now?

 

Better luck, next time:

 

Don't give up too early. Learn to change your perspective or paradigm. This is the NLP technique called the "Reframe". This is more about what you are thinking and saying to yourself in your own head rather than anything else. Women are going to "pick up" of your vibrations before anything else. Remember that when using NLP, there is no failure, only feedback, so if you don't come out without your desired outcome, look at the evening's events as "feedback" and learn what you can do differently next time!

Malti Bhojwani is the founder of Multi Coaching International, a Life Coach, an NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming) practitioner and an author. For more information, visit http://www.multi-coaching.com or Email info@multi-coaching.com

 

 

To read the article on Yahoo India:

 

http://in.lifestyle.yahoo.com/blogs/yahooindia/jumpstart-love-life-130328622.html

 

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Thank you for all your comments.

 

When talking about love and human relationships there are so many facets involved. NLP is just one way of helping you to “break the ice” and try to connect with another person effectively. NLP should not be used to manipulate but rather to help ease the communication between people who want to communicate in the first place, in a way that is ethical, ecological to all concerned. No it won’t work on everyone. The basics have to be present to start.

 

If you are interested in a few more thoughts on love and relationships, please read:

 

How to keep her satisfied part 1 & 2 as featured on Guylife.com on:

 

http://multi-coaching.com/index.php?option=com_k2&view=itemlist&layout=category&task=category&id=21&Itemid=258

 

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Dating, Love & Relationships Sun, 17 Jul 2011 13:35:27 +0000