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Thursday, 18 Apr 2013

Personal Management & Leadership (12)

 


 

Start Living the Life of Your Dreams - One Day Intensive TRANSFORMATIONAL Workshop
with Top Experienced Professional Life Coach & Author Malti Bhojwani (ICF)
Saturday 6 April, 2013 From 08:45 AM to 05:30 PM (IST)
Limited Discounted tickets
Early Bird Discount
24 Mar 2013
$72 INR 3,900
25th March onwards: Rs5,900
Register Now!
Top Professional Life Coach (ICF) and Personal Development Author of "Don't Think of a Blue Ball" Malti Bhojwani with over a thousand hours of experience coaching individuals from all walks of life to senior leaders in large international corporations, will spend an entire day with you sharing secrets and practices from her years of experience to ensure that you have the motivation and the reasons you need to make NOW the time you TRULY get on your way to making your DREAMS come true. This is ONLY for people who are SERIOUS about achieving your MASSIVE goals, your BIG DREAMS, the ones that will make ALL the difference in your life, once and for all.
Malti's books and workshops serve to remind you of all the gems you already have hidden inside you and to encourage you to draw them out instilling habits to support lasting changes in your perception, your body, emotion and language. It will give you the urgency required to go out there and live your dreams starting now, not later, NOW! The learning will be experiential as we can talk about flying a plane or riding a bicycle for days, but the only way to really learn is to do. The body learns and these workshops are designed to help you SEE, REALISE and then CHANGE so that you can start creating the RESULTS you do want in your life immediately!

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About the Facilitator:
Malti Bhojwani is an experienced, certified and fully-trained life coach. Born in Singapore, she's lived in Madrid, Sydney and Jakarta and is now here in India. She's helped scores of corporates, educational institutes, and individuals better themselves using her unique coaching techniques.
She also mentors other life coaches and works closely with several (ICF) International Coach Federation initiatives. Having been in the personal development industry for over 12 years, Malti is an ambassador for ICA (International Coach Academy), a Professional Certified Coach (PCC) with the ICF (International Coach Federation), she is a member of the Human Systems UK, Invivo Play Sweden, Alumni of Newfield Network and Graduate of AsiaWorks. Her clients include Microsoft, Mahindra & Mahindra, Gateway Distriparks, HSBC and many others. She is a regular contributor and expert consultant for the Times of India and countless other international and Indian publications and now a world renowned author. Her books "Don't Think of a Blue Ball" has received international accolades, is being translated into several languages & "Thankfulness, Appreciation & Gratitude" has gone into reprints. She has recently launched her latest E-Learninng Program called YoUniverse which is creating a movement on Social Media.
See what previous participants had to say:
Don't Think of a Blue Ball will inspire you to greater heights.  Using the laws of the universe, Malti has outlined a simple step-by-step process in which you can have and enjoy everything you want to be, do or have in life.  Read it, do it and you will live it. - Bob Urichuck from Canada, International Professional Speaker, Trainer and Author of “Disciplined For Life” & “Up Your Bottom Line”
He has also filmed a video testimonial with Malti for "Don't Think of a Blue Ball"
The workshop was positive and more importantly a great level of self learning, with today’s lifestyle and pace we are always going with the flow and doing what we are doing, this workshop really makes you sit down, think and understand what your goals in life are and what more you should be doing with you life and its not only realizing that but when you sit with Malti and discuss it she actually makes a plan for how you can achieve it step by step. I attended the workshop 5 months back and till today I use the learning and I get reminder messages from her. Aalok Aswani
MORE TESTIMONIALS
Malti Bhojwani's workshop helped me know myself better, what I have been seeking but unable to identify, I found it all within myself. The one day intensive workshop gave me emotional peace and a feeling of calmness of the mind ,a sense of gratitude for being where I am and discovering my inner consciousness.
She has helped me free myself of the baggage I was carrying for so long,
Thanks so much Malti,
I am lucky to have found you!  Mateshwari
Just wanted to say that the most important thing I learned was :
BE HAPPY and not BE RIGHT
Thank you so much for all your sharings. P
It was really awesome  to  spend time on  the change workshop conducted by  you. The energy level of each of the session was absolutely great  &  your effort to make each participant  comfortable  was of the highest order. SL
It was an absolute pleasure to attend your workshop after reading the book.Your book already had a profound effect on me and the workshop made it better and better!The games,ideas shared and the activities we played had amazing things to reveal about myself and my way of thinking.The food and the venue made me feel extra special!Malti mam' you are like that Ray of hope which always manages to bring light in my life!Thanks a tonn for the wonderful experience.I will definitely recommend it to everyone i know.  Ankita Dhanawade.
Having met her just a few days prior to the workshop, I was quite impressed by the sliver of her repertoire as manifest in my interaction with her. And from what I could gather when I started to read through her book, it whet my appetite to get more out of her splendid work.
The workshop, very effortlessly helps steer oneself into the right direction without having to struggle for something that all of us aspire to do or be. It was undoubtedly well conducted and engaging enough for participants from varying backgrounds to make the most of it. I certainly recommend it to all adults who have not yet got the opportunity to 'plug-in' as Malti espouses and would be happy to be of help in populating this splendid effort with pleasure! The logistics for the day was very well thought of amenities and it was  comfortable. The workshop helped practically catch a glimpse of the enlightening stuff that usually gets confined to books and videos since there was a first-hand learning of the small parts that make the whole, when it comes to achieving life-changing clarity on goals and achievement! It made the otherwise seemingly difficult stuff, possible and within reach! Prakash Diwan
The uniqueness about you that attracted me to you. Firstly, its your simple way of communication .
The belief you installed in me as a person to believe in the UNIVERSE was soul touching .
The topics you have touched upon are day to day concerns which are so commonly spoken about , but never said how to be deal with . You have given simple . easy to use & believe steps leading to solutions from self.
To sum up would say two words  - THANK YOU "  AL
What I got out of Malti's One Day Intensive is the way to improve and adapt myself both in work and in my personal life. I also learnt to LISTEN - TP - Microsoft
It reminded me that I am a HUMAN BEING and of what I truly VALUE in life!! It also made me VALUE LIFE!!! What worked best was the change in thinking process and the practices!
This program gave me very good asset to change my thought process and how I see the world! EVERYTHING worked for me!!! Sarasak - Microsoft Thailand
I learnt: Do not be a victim, be responsible and start from me, I also learnt to say no with options. I would suggest that you elaborate the learning more after each of the exciting exercises - thank you Malti. PN - Microsoft
I got to see different thought processes and how to look at things in a different point of view!!
I learnt: Do not be a victim, be responsible and start from me, I also learnt to say no with options. I would suggest that you elaborate the learning more clearly after each of the exciting exercises - thank you Malti. PN - Microsoft
I learnt about communication and I was able to reflect and change my way of thinking within myself. S
Walk the Talk - S
I quit smoking effective immediately! Anon
I learnt about priorities. M
I was able to rethink and reframe and to stay firm on my target!
I got the distinctions between victim and responsibility, how to centre before making decisions, I discovered my values, and I learnt how to say NO. Maytha - Microsoft Thailand
‎***DISCLAIMER***
This workshop is designed for people who truly have some BIG DREAMS and really want to start making them come true! You will need to do the work. Come 7th April, I will not be with you, you will be on your own with CLARITY about WHAT you truly DESIRE and WHY and what the PRICES are!!! If you are not prepared to be UNCOMFORTABLE & STR--E---T---C---H in the session and after and you expect to sit in your seats and look at slides all day expecting your RESULTS and DREAMS to just magically fall on your lap, then this is not for you! HOWEVER, if you have some ★★★BIG DREAMS★★★ and you have spent so much time TRYING and TRYING (and you know what I say about TRYING) and you are ready to actually ONCE and for ALL, give up your REASONS and swap them for RESULTS so that you can BE, DO and HAVE what you say you so badly WANT, then please please click on the link and register fast, to avoid having to rush at the end and pay extra!!!
THIS is going to be my BEST workshop till date, I have been "brewing, cooking, learning & plugging in" over the last few months and from all my previous workshops, books, coaching sessions. I am going to give YOU the BEST of ME till date!! Don't Miss out! The year has big things in store for me as well and I may not be able to do another OPEN workshop for a while.
But like I said, if you are looking for a "day-off", "walk in the park", "feel good" day, then this is not for you. This is for YOU, those of you who are SERIOUS about making those MASSIVE changes so you can achieve those BIG DREAMS, once and for all!!! ***
***PS: if you have already paid and feel that this sounds like it is going to be too powerful for you or if you feel you are going to have to work too hard and you are not ready to pursue those big dreams of yours, please write in and ask for a refund, come back to me when you are READY, in the meantime, be kind to yourself and ACCEPT things the way they are, instead of trying so hard to change them. Trying takes as much energy as doing, so let it go, accept your life the way it is with gratitude and a smile, it is OK, don't feel bad, some of you may not be ready, but hey, IF NOT NOW, then WHEN my dears?***
BIG HUGS to all of you and SEE ya soon to those who have registered!
☼☼☼*********LIKING this POST is not enough, you DO need to click on the link and REGISTER & PAY to confirm your seat for the 6th of April. Once again, Early Bird ends on 24th March or when discounted seats @Rs3,900 (USD70) run out, registration closes on 4th April @Rs5,900(USD109) *********☼☼☼ or simply scroll down to pay by PayPal.

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I was at a leadership talk a while back and a famous Indian CEO said that leadership includes, telling and retelling people what they already know, so they know they are on the right track.

I was looking through my very old life coaching notes from 2000, and then notes from the late Thomas Leonard (one of the founders of life coaching as we know it) and then my newest notes from my training in Ontological coaching and they say very similar things, but I FELT that I was learning new stuff only because I had evolved and grown in the last decade myself.

The observer that I was had grown and so I see differently and hence feel and think differently availing me to act in newer ways creating new results!!!

Tony Robbins said, either we are growing or we are dying, T Harv Eker says the same thing Robert Cooper says, Every moment of our lives we are either growing or dying and back in the day, Seneca has many quotes on learning and growing.

The message is the same and almost repetitive to some of us, because you have heard it before and again and again, the scriptures contain it, old philosophers have claimed it and modern day motivational speakers and authors say it too. I was asked about the similar message in many books about the magic of gratitude, as in my Journal – Thankfulness, Appreciation, Gratitude. We are all tapping into the same Universal source. We are hearing the same messages from varied messengers as it is the truth. So write, express yourself, don’t be afraid that what you want to say is not new, guess what? Nothing really is. (Unless you are a scientist and then too, there would have been a spark of it back in history)

As I shared in my book, “Don’t Think of a Blue Ball” Napolean Hill’s book Think and Grow Rich has been around since 1937, it came to my awareness over a decade ago and it went over my head, it re-visited me about 4 years ago and again, I didn’t get it, but last year when I read it, it hit home. Marianne Williamson's "A Return to Love" literally fell off the shelf on my head days when I was editing the final chapter of my book, it was my subconscious mind wanting to add her wonderful poem "Our Greatest Gift" into my book.

The common message is that of gratitude, acceptance and compassion combined with taking action. A knowingness in my heart that not only is it my birth right but my responsibility to let my light shine so that other people can shine too.

The messenger is not important, the message is and we all have a different “observer” and hence a unique way of explaining what we understand to be the truth and how it works. Through the past few weeks, I have been so humbled and grateful that so many are embracing the truth through “Don’t Think of a Blue Ball” and what warms me up even more is that it has helped so many to see that we have to keep learning and growing, or we die.

Happy weekend and TAG someone today,

With Thankfulness, Appreciation and Gratitude,

Malti Bhojwani


How to: Be a Good Boss as featured in the Times Of India and Guy Life this month - by Malti Bhojwani PCC - Professional Life Coach, NLP Practitioner, Author, trained in Ontological coaching



Times have changed. Recently, a friend was telling me how different it was to work in India again after having lived overseas. When he was away, people told him off for not saying his “please” and “thank yous" and here in India, his employer told him the diametrical opposite. He was told never to do this when the ‘staff’ does something as it their job, what they are paid to do, and hence, there is no need to be humble or grateful about it! I think my jaw dropped so low, we needed a crane to lift it! Therein, it seems, lies a cultural and a generational gap that desperately needs to be paved.


To me, this is just simple manners and politeness; this is what will gain you respect and love, which is always far more effective than “fear”


I stumbled on an article in which they made a mockery of the old bosses and mentioned their old management strategies of “divide and rule,” so that your employees can never stand up and unify to oppose you. “Never give them credit," “always give them less time than is needed to finish the job” (and then hold it against them in their appraisals) and lastly, “always make mountains out of mole-hills.” 

It was funny to read but I'm aware that some people still do treat their employees in these old-fashioned ways even today. Unfortunately, if you don’t aim to inspire, lead by example, and truly wish the best of growth and success for each of your employees, you will not have a happy or healthy team.

A good boss is one who shows appreciation for each employee, seeing clearly how they contribute to his/her getting the job done. They value their employees and share the common vision and goals of the company with them. On that note, here are a few simple things you can incorporate into your 'leading' techniques for a better boss-employee relationship:



Trust


Trust not only that the employee will, but also that he is capable of delivering the job. Hence, bosses are able to delegate and give the employees enough and more information to make decisions with the bigger picture in mind. A good boss solves problems, offers feedback without pointing fingers in blame, and avoids nit-picking on petty details.



Humanize


We no longer live in the days where you could whip people into doing your bidding. Remember that your employees are people with needs and aspirations just like you, and the more you care about them, the more they will care about you and your company.



Make it Fun


Make the office a fun place to be, It has been proven time and again that people are more productive when they are having fun. Support and create fun interactions and brainstorming that would engage your employees from all different areas of the business and involve them activities that unify.



Talking Up vs. Talking Down


Check if you “talk down” to your employees or whether you treat them like children. Remind yourself that they are adults and treat them as responsible ones. People often behave and deliver in the manner you expect them to--so revise your expectations upward!



Acknowledge & Appreciate


Acknowledge and appreciate good work and good effort. It is not always about the numbers; when you can see that your employee has put in his best, then let them know that you noticed and reassure them that it is not only about the results.


Coach them to see that failures are just feedback to teach them for the next time. Empower and support your employee’s growth. It is alright to point out mistakes or to offer constructive criticism as long as you are just as generous with your compliments.



Share


Share as much information as you can about the business to “include” your employees in the common goals and vision. They too want that sense of “belonging” and when you have a team who receive fulfillment of that basic human need from the company they work for, you will have them as devoted employees for life.



Be Humble When Necessary


Be willing to admit that you don’t know everything and be grateful when an employee can either show you or do some things for you. Never be jealous or feel threatened if an employee shows how good he is--it only adds to the strength of your team!



Conclusion


The bottom line--remember that they too have dreams and aspirations and that if through working for you they can grow and blossom to create more for themselves, then you have been a great boss. Most importantly, remember that "with great power comes great responsibility"

Malti has also launched a free series of videos offering tips and advice; check them out here.

 


 


A good boss is one who shows appreciation for each unique employee seeing clearly how they each contribute to him/her getting the job done. They value their employees and shares the common vision and goals of the company with them in a trusting way.


Trust here means that you believe the employee will and is able to deliver the job hence you are able to delegate and you give the employees enough and more information to make decisions with the bigger picture in mind. The good boss keeps emotions out of it, solves problems, offers feedback without pointing fingers in blame or nit-picking on petty details.

 

 

The bottom line is to first value yourself, have the guts to risk your job and to learn to communicate your request clearly and specifically. Reiterate to your boss what you assume their request is, so that you don't have any misconceptions of what is being asked of you vs what you understand and hence deliver. Remember that what may seem "obvious" to them or to you, may not be "obvious". So state the specifics before you agree to take on any project.

 

As featured in print in The Mumbai Mirror on the 12th of April 2012 and The Times Of India.

 

Don't just say yes, boss! Superiors can be less than perfect. Figure out your leaders' personality type and learn to deal with them accordingly

 

 

 

You can stay out of your house longer if you don't like your wife, ignore your parents' calls when you are too bored to talk to them, but bosses... that's a tricky one. Whether you like them or not, you have to interact with them, and if you are planning to stick around in your job, you have to keep them happy. While not everyone has a boss from hell, you sure as hell hate something about your boss that you just can't ignore. We give you the most common archetypes and with the help of life coach Malti Bhojwani, here are tips on how to deal with them.

1. The dangler
So you've planned a big tour through Europe with your friends, a la Zindagi na Milegi Dobara, after speaking to your boss. This kind of boss has promised you can take the leave if you put in a few extra hours. A week before your flight, they turn around and say you can't leave because there is a bigger project in the offing. You are stuck with The Dangler.

They promise things in return for more work and do not fulfill those promises.

Deal with it
If you see this often, email your boss copying everyone else in the meeting about the promises and expectations. Practise writing self-appraisals, train yourself to look at the big picture and type out a self-appraisal every month to send to your boss. This will keep him in the loop about what you are accomplishing for the company. Remind them of their promises every once in a while. Have full faith in yourself - you are a valuable employee or you wouldn't be here. Fearless is the only way to be. These bosses smell fear instinctively.

2. The best friend
This type is great to hang out with, and if you weren't working together, you guys would've been best chums. But when the boss is upset if you don't reveal personal things or forces you to hang out with him/her even if you have plans, it becomes problematic. They are always in your face and everything you do can turn into an emotional argument about how you hurt them.

Deal with it
These bosses don't have a life. Limit the personal info you share and keep your work and social life separate. You aren't being rude, just drawing boundaries.

3. The Viper
If you have barbs thrown at you constantly like, 'My kid makes better presentations than you' or 'I'm glad you wore that dress, it reminds me of what my grandma wore when I was a kid', then you are stuck with the viper. When they get to work, all they seem to want to do is spread their venom around and sink those fangs into you.

Deal with it
Keep this one at arm's length, you don't want to be stung. Practise communicating directly with your boss keeping your worth in mind.

4. The number cruncher
You have been working really hard, but the project that was a done deal suddenly slipped through your fingers. Your boss is aware of the effort you have put in, but is still on your back because the numbers are down. This species does not understand anything other than stats. Your blood and sweat are just body fluids to them.

Deal with it
Do your homework to display a comparative report on numbers between yourself and your competitors. Document the number of attempts/ hours spent per project.

5. The invisible man
If the only person you can turn to during a crisis at work is the mirror, then you have are suffering from the absent boss syndrome. They are always at meetings, imagined or real, and when it's not workrelated, they are chilling with the wife and kids at a sea-side resort in Lakshadweep, while you are pulling 15-hour days in the office.

Deal with it
Find ways to get schedule weekly meetings with them. Try not to be spiteful that they are away. It could also be that they are not aware that you need them.

6. The flaming fury
When was the last time you saw your boss smile? If your answer ranges between never and the last time they fired your colleague, then we sympathise with you. While anger is an emotion that is usually associated with bosses, this one is in the extreme. Whether you are doing a good or a bad job, it doesn't matter. All you receive is a little spittle when they are screaming down your face and a few insults to wipe your face with.

Deal with it
Be as humorous as you can, smile at them, treat them as a human being you care about and see if your 'love' will rub off. They are the ones who probably think the only way to get anything done is to be pissed off. Offer them some kindness and see how the relationship shifts. Often it is your reaction and expectation that they are pissed off that causes the cycle and it just keeps going on and on. It takes only one of you to change the dance between the two of you. So why not take the lead?

7. The softy
This is the one who walks on eggshells around you, apologizes when they ask you to do something, get walked all over by stronger employees and you often feel sorry for them. They are scared of you and this can be very disempowering.

Deal with it
A good approach is to resume the role of a cheerleader and point out to this boss their strengths and show them appreciation. Make this boss look good to their superiors and to your colleagues.

8. The early riser
Early to rise, early to bed. Okay, maybe the saying is the other way around, but this could well be your future if you are stuck with The Early Riser. They are obviously going to be stepping on toes, and your very simple day-to-day job can turn into a political drama.

Deal with it
They want to gain rank and accolades for themselves. Don't feel bad, for often their promotion could mean a promotion for you too. Support this boss in looking good.

9. The nitpicker
Your office is a minefield if you are suck with The Nitpicker. If you put your left foot forward, they demand that you should have put your right and if you put your right, they ask why you didn't swing your hands enough. They will always find faults in everything you do.

Deal with it
Set your boundaries. Let them know you are uncomfortable with them breathing over your shoulder. Request for an 'Operation Manual' if they want specifics.

10. The memento-r
If your boss uses the Five Ws to being every second sentence then unfortunately you are stuck with The Memento-r. He forgets important meetings, ideas that you pitched, and sometimes even forgets that you exist. While you wish you can tattoo everything you spoke about on his body, you realise he is soon going to run out of skin.

Deal with it
Help this one out with reminders, emails, postits, notes. Speak to your colleagues to support this type of boss. Realise and acknowledge that they are in that position due to particular skills or expertise that they possess. If they tend to forget important information, communicating that with them and setting

structures in place to help them would only help you in the long run.

 

 

 

World Business and Executive Coach Pre-Summit May 1st, 2012

 

https://modernmethods.infusionsoft.com/go/wbecs/gsdf

Last year…

Over 7,000 coaches listened in from the comfort of their own homes.

An industry first…

Top experts under one "virtual" roof, making sure all in attendance got:

  • Maximum value
  • Executive training
  • Great strategies and advice.

This year, we're back better than ever, with another all-star lineup.

If you'd like to sneak a peak, you can attend the initial WBECS sessions FREE via the pre-Summit series.

Click on this link to register:

https://modernmethods.infusionsoft.com/go/wbecs/gsdf

A small selection of thought leaders presenting at the summit will include:

  • Sir John Whitmore—pre-eminent thinker in leadership and organisational change
  • Verne Harnish—named one of the "Top 10 Minds in Small Business" by Fortune magazine
  • Dr. (VG) Vijay Govindarajan—world's leading expert on strategy and innovation
  • Dr. Marshall Goldsmith—#1 leadership and #7 business thinker in the world…2011 Thinkers 50 ceremony.

 

WBECS has one simple mission in mind:

To dramatically improve the success of business and executive coaches the world over…

If you're on board with that, you won't want to miss THE online industry event of the year—WBECS 2012…

Sign up today to reserve your spot.

To Your Continued Success,

Malti Bhojwani - PCC ICF

PS: You'll be pleased to know—No Sales Pitches Allowed!

 

 

 


As Featured in GuyLife on the 22nd of March 2012

Malti Bhojwani is a certified life coach. "Like" her on facebook Malti Bhojwani - Professional Certified Life Coach & Author. When she's not teaching people how to improve their lives, she's helping scores of corporates, educational institutes, and individuals better themselves using her unique coaching techniques. She's also launched a series of YouTube videos offering tips and advice; check them out here.


“It is impossible to live without failing at something, unless you live so cautiously that you might as well not have lived at all - in which case, you fail by default.” - JK Rowling


Life’s all about perspective so before we begin, I’d like you to imbibe the following--there is no failure, just results. People who have never failed have basically never come out of their comfort zones or taken risks; they only did enough to get by and stayed on the sidelines of true success because they are so afraid of failing. 

Still, failing is a life experience--most often a painful one that we all have to go through. So here’s everything you need to know about dealing with it in the healthiest possible manner. I’ve broken it down into three simple segments, which should make it even easier to understand:


You Did Not Fail, It Did

First, lets define failure and success. What is success to you and will the lack of it equal failure? If that is the way you are seeing it, you are being extremely hard on yourself and this very emotion is what will come in the way of your success. 

Keep in mind that you are not a failure nor do you fail. A project may, a business might, but you don’t fail. This is because as long as you keep getting up and pursuing, your experiences are just a wealthy bank to help you get closer to your desires.


Opportunity To Revise Your Strategy

The experience is a part of getting the recipe right. So look at your strategies again and see what and where things went wrong. What were the signs and what were the emotions? What were you saying to yourself when you knew this was going south?

A strategy can be compared to a recipe. Ingredients and the timing and sequence are put in and the method they are mixed in is imperative. So remember that these experiences are a great opportunity to retrace your steps.

Also, keep in mind that insanity means doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. So if you find that the results are not aligned with the expected outcomes, then you will need to, as a group, adjust the actions. Thus, it is essential to identify the particular course of action that did not work, and change your strategy. 

The journey of success is being comfortable to admit that you may have misjudged a situation.


Keep On Moving

Finally, don’t stop, don’t cry and certainly don’t blame or punish yourself! Leave the “Go into exile I must... failed I have” style insane behaviour to Star Trek characters like Yoda and get back on your horse and simply keep on moving. Persistence is faith in motion. You can only persist when you believe and you can only succeed when you persist. 

Be ready to make decisions. Have the passion and guts to stand up and take responsibility and most importantly, know that there are no failures, only feedback.

When my clients ask me,‘But what if I fail?’ I often tend to respond with a ‘What if you succeed?’ The strangest thing is that our deepest fear is not our darkness but in fact our light.

“Don't worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.”- Jack Canfield (Creator of Chicken Soup For The Soul)


-Pictures courtesy Thinkstock-

http://guylife.com/news-lifemore/how-to-deal-with-failure/11683

 

Do leave your comments and questions.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm”– Winston Churchill

Malti offers one-off 45 minute Power Coaching Calls for US$180

Indian Rs9,220

Singapore $226

Indonesian Rupiah: Rp1650

British Pound 114

Australian $172

 

Book yourself a session now - they will be the best investment you'll make this year....one call can change the course of your life with new perspective.


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In the first part of this series, I presented a deeper understanding of stress and started listing solutions for all your workspace woes; I will continue from there, assuming you have already read the first part of this series. If you haven’t yet, you can do so right here.


Make a Choice: Choose to respond to situations rather than reacting impulsively out of your anger, which is induced by your stress in the first place.


Identify the Stressor: Most of the things that get us stressed are not life-threatening.

Some major life-changing events can cause stress and most therapists would suggest not taking on too many of those simultaneously. For example, change of work, change of place of residence, change of relationship status, and the death of a loved one. 

However, when we are dealing with regular day-to-day stressors, my recommendation is to learn to identify that your body and your language are going into stress mode and then replace your body position, breathing pattern, and language immediately with more useful and productive alternatives.


Centering: And finally, we come to the most useful step but it is only possible to try this once you have made up your mind to implement my initial suggestions. What I have for you is a step-by-step guide to a process called Centering. You can relate this to putting the gear-stick in your car in 'neutral' before moving it to gear 1, 2, 3 or even reverse. When you are feeling stressed, it is an indication that you are off-centre. 

This exercise will take barely two minutes and you can do it anywhere--at your desk, in the bathroom, car, elevator, anytime. The idea is to make it habitual and practice it several times a day in order to etch new neurological pathways and new habitual body positions so that you can get into 'Centre' mode easily.

Small amounts of fear and stress let us know we're alive and moving in the right direction. Feeling the fear and doing something anyway can be exhilarating and rewarding. Let the fear and stress bring you closer to your goals.

Allowing yourself to go into the "freeze mode" I mentioned in Part 1 will stop you from achieving your dreams and limit your happiness. Most of all, learn to be light and add humour to situations that you cannot do anything about. Life does not have to be so serious!


Why You Need to Center Yourself

When people ask me why they need to center themselves, here's how I respond. When you can find your center--the center of your body, thoughts and emotions, and language--you can revolve around your own axis. When you revolve your life around someone other than you, you lose your own alignment. Just as the earth revolves around its own axis daily and at the same time also revolves around the sun, if you don’t find your own axis to revolve around, you cannot be there for anyone else. 


The following centering exercise is derived from the BEL Model by the Newfield Network.


How to Center Yourself

- Close your eyes. Sit in an open body position with your feet flat on the floor. Your palms should be open and face upwards on your thighs.

- Notice the fabric of your pants and how they feel on your skin; notice the feel of your feet on the ground. 

- Close your eyes softly, relax your eye-lids, balance your head on your shoulders without leaning forward or backwards. Relax your shoulders.

- Breathe into your Dan Tian (2 inches below your navel), in and out. Place your left hand on your belly and imagine your breath flowing into there, imagine the center of your belly in depth and in width, imagine the spot that is equidistant from your front, back, left and right. This is the center of your body.

- Accept things as they are--all your thoughts, emotions, and feelings. Put everything else aside. They are already in the past. Accept them, don't change or resist, and just accept your emotions. Acceptance is the center of emotion.

- Silence. Imagine that it is silent all around you--totally quiet. Silence is the center of language.

- All you have to do now is notice your breathing and notice the 3 centers--of your body, your emotions and your language.

- Open your eyes. You are centered. You are now in neutral; from here, your choices increase. You can "go" anywhere from here with grace and with ease. You are now equidistant linguistically, in your body and in your feelings from every other body position, emotion or language.


Put It Into Practice

Practice this often and do it anywhere; you can practice centering standing up, before you go from one meeting to the next, from work to home, or from one call to another.

We say practice because there is no being centered all the time. You go off-center and you come back when you notice it. Whenever you feel overwhelmed or discombobulated, confused or annoyed, stressed or afraid, overly excited or concerned, you are off-center--so just take 2 minutes and center yourself.

Some claim that it has to be “embodied” before it can be really useful in your life. My claim is that just making a habit of centering yourself is one of the best stress-relievers you can incorporate into your life. Center when you are shifting from one meeting to the next, when you getting off a vendor call and on to a sales call, or when you are moving from “hard-baller” at work to “loving dad and husband” at home.

You cannot be centered all the time. Being centered in every moment is not the aim. The focus is to notice when you are off-center and to have the awareness and capacity to make the conscious choice to come back to center over and over again.

Remember, learning is not the acquisition of knowledge; rather, it is practice plus time. In other words, knowing about centering is different than centering itself! Knowing about cycling or driving is different from actually riding a bike or driving a car. So the sooner you start practicing, the better. Good luck!

 

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Self-Evaluation


What has your stress cost you lately in your personal and professional relationships? Be honest with yourself. Have you broken anything, been horribly rude to anyone you care about, blown up over a business relationship or perhaps, even hurt someone physically? Has it made you hurt yourself by indulging in vices and staying in denial?


The Surface Explanation

Stress is caused when we are in fear of some undesirable outcome. So, when we have deadlines, schedules or bills that are due, and we can’t see ourselves meeting these targets, we feel a sense of fear. When we fear getting caught for doing or not doing something that was expected of us--we feel this fear. And it is this very fear that causes stress.

Fear is not bad, just as stress isn’t bad either. In fact, without stress, we won’t win races or go that extra mile and perform. Stress motivates us to take action sometimes. It only becomes bad for you when you allow it to reach levels where it instigates the same options that fear does. Namely, the 'Fight,' 'Flight' or 'Freeze' response.


A Deeper Understanding of Stress

Our bodies have a primitive--or should I say limbic--brain-generated response to stress, which no longer serves us in our concrete jungles as it did back when we were cavemen. Adrenaline and a racing heart and mind equals the need to "act;" 
dread equals the need to avoid; "can’t act" equals a freeze.

These responses were valid and useful when we were hunters. Our modern day stressors are not fatal and often do not need us to realistically go into the fight, flight or freeze modes. Unfortunately, many of us allow our bodies to go there but only due to a lack of this understanding.


Solutions


Exaggerate:
Think of the words that you may recite in your head when you are stressed and then exaggerate them; notice what this feels like in your body and what it does to your breathing. 

Usually the message is something like 'I will fail,' 'I will be sacked,' 'I may get demoted or scolded by my superiors,' 'people will see me as incompetent,' or 'I am just not good enough.' Terrible isn’t it? Can you see how unhealthy and how unproductive thinking this way can be to you? 

Notice how your body folds in, your breathing becomes short, your eyes and brows burrow inwards to form lines and frowns on your forehead, and your mouth goes down. Exaggerate the facial expressions stress brings with it and you will get a sense of how terrible it is for you.


Maintain Structure:
Stress is a sign of feeling overwhelmed, which simply means a lack of structure. Writing a list of all the important and urgent things that you need to get done is usually the first step to alleviating a lot of stress. 

Do what needs to be done to pick your game up--be on time, clean up your clutter on your phone, computer, desk and calendar. When your stress causes you to react in anger because you are running late or caught in traffic, make it a point to just leave earlier, play good music in your car or iPod and relax instead. Renegotiate your commitments if you have to. Then put them in different categories, prioritize, and get cracking!


Relax:
The best thing you can do about something that's beyond your grasp is relax and surrender. If you really can’t do anything then at least stop directing all this worry, stress and negative emotion towards your problem. Otherwise, this will render you incapable of doing anything else.


There’s still more advice I have to offer regarding dealing with work-related stress, including an exceptionally helpful centering exercise. Watch out for that in the second part of my series!

 

As featured on GuyLife.com on the 9th February 2012


 

When it comes to approaching negotiations, think win-win. Negotiations only work when both parties feel like they are getting their needs fulfilled and we’re here to help you get started with the following pointers.


Show Appreciation

 

Look for common interests between yourself and the people you are negotiating with. It could be anything: kids, sports, authors, cities, drinks. 

Once you’ve established this, they become your partners and can relate to you, which makes it easier to be on the same side as them. You are not selling them something anymore but rather helping them to buy. This is a very simple distinction that goes a long way in making a difference in how they view you.


Know Your Stuff

 

The person with the most information is usually the most powerful person in the room. Study and research as best you can before you go in to negotiate. In order to do this, you have to be able to have a helicopter view with absolute win-win for both parties in mind; only then will you be able to come through as an honest and open negotiator. This is the best way to gain trust.

 

Ask Questions and Listen

 

You need to elicit their objectives and desired outcome. Learn why they are asking for the things that they've requested. For that, there is an NLP process called chunking up. 

Ask questions such as ‘For what purpose? What is the intention? What is that an example of?’ This will help you find common ground and understand the motivations behind their behaviour. If you understand the desired objectives behind a specific point, you will be able to chunk it up to a common goal, making it a win-win situation.

 

No, Maybe and BATNA

 

Be very clear about your “BATNA” before you go in. If you have to consult with anyone else in your organization, do so before you go in to negotiate.

BATNA stands for: the “best alternative to a negotiated agreement” The term was coined by Roger Fisher and William Ury of the Harvard Program on Negotiation

 

To illustrate BATNA with a simple example:

 

If a landlord of a Mumbai flat declined an offer from an expat client for Rs. 1 lakh a month, then the landlord’s BATNA from that point on would be that same Rs. 1 lakh a month since that was the rent he could have gotten elsewhere.

 

Using this example, any future offer that represented amounts below the BATNA, or terms that were substantially different, would be rejected by the landlord since he knows he can get a better deal elsewhere.

 

A BATNA is the alternative course of action if a negotiation is not reached. This is what you measure the agreement you are negotiating and will help you decline agreements that are not in your best interests because you know you have recourse to better options.

 

If you do get a “maybe”, let them know that you have taken it as a “no”; often, that would make them want to negotiate with you! It only gives you the freedom and time to focus on leads that will turn into “yeses”. A lot of time is wasted in business with maybes. So do not be afraid of a “no”. You need to be able to walk away from the deal assertively and the opposing party has to be able to see this confidence in you.

 

Yes, Yes, Yes

 

Discuss the simple stuff first, so that you have the opposing party in the habit of agreeing with you and seeing that you are easy to negotiate with. Studies say that if you can elicit two initial yeses, the 3rd one will be easier.

 

Be Comfortable With Silence

 

Use silence to your advantage. You do not have to say something all the time. “Allow” them to respond or make suggestions after you have made a statement and while you are silent, let your body language and your personal self-talk be positive and optimistic. Half the victory is yours when you expect it a favourable outcome. Positive expectations are more powerful than you think. 

If they provoke you in any way, never lose your temper but wait it out. A little bit of silence is fine; learn to be comfortable with silence. Your silence also shows that you are indeed listening to them. Play back what you have heard by saying everything you understood back to them and ask if you missed anything. This ensures that you are both on the same page and also increases the comfort level as you negotiate because of your use of their language.

 

Conditional Agreements

 

Once you have identified and connected on the higher intentions, ask them if you can have this, then would you be OK with this? Give something to get something. Study your numbers and your offer before going in so that you know exactly where you stand and where you do have room for negotiation so that you can pull these up as trump cards when needed. What can you give them in exchange for their business that is not as valuable to you as it may be to them?

 

“Win-win sees life as a cooperative arena, not a competitive one. Win-win is a frame of mind and heart that constantly seeks mutual benefit in all human interactions. Win-win means agreements or solutions are mutually beneficial and satisfying. – Stephen Covey

 

In the end, Stephen Covey’s description of win-win is the only attitude that will create a successful negotiation. Happy negotiating and good luck!


Ask Malti a question and check out the other experts Guylife has on board to answer your queries.

 

-Pictures courtesy Thinkstock-

 


In the course of my life coaching career, one of the most common issues clients have is the desire to get ahead at work. Here are five methods that will guarantee success in the workplace.

 

1. Set Goals

Yes, set goals that will enhance your performance at work and the productivity of your team or the people you work with. Declare these goals to the people who you feel will support you. Take credit whenever it's due. Don’t feel shy to put your name on a project when you know that you contributed to it. If you don’t, someone else will!

Make a to-do list every Monday

--of the tasks that need to be completed by marking them under categories like, 'Urgent', 'Important' and 'Want to do'.

Keep your declared goal in mind while doing so.

Often, working on your declared goal may fall under the 'Important' and 'Want to do' categories. Therefore, it's important that you do complete a few tasks from each list every day.

The Urgent ones need to get done! If you can, delegate parts of it to someone, but make sure you get it back in time to review before you actually submit or apply it.

Work through the 'Urgent' ones first, and make sure you do your part. If it needs to be negotiated, thought upon and discussed, you have created the opportunity early in the week for this to occur.

Work through the 'Important' and 'Want to do' lists only after you have attended to the 'Urgent' items.

 

2. Home Work

Commit about two hours at home to researching, reading and learning. Involve yourself in some kind of personal development.

This is to look through things that you don’t get time to do during the workday. This study should be about your industry, and national and international competition.

For personal development, you could look at going for a self-actualization workshop, hiring a personal coach or simply reading some good books. Commit at least 24 hours a year to your personal growth. I have listed a few self-actualization workshops below, but please do your own research to see what suits you best.

Abraham Maslow, Carl Rogers, Fritz Perls and others popularized Humanistic Psychology. This promotes looking at the brighter side of things, or being positive. This led to 'The Human Potential Movement'.

- EST (Erhard Seminars Training) focuses on how people experience themselves.

- Lifespring concentrated on how people experience each other.

- NLP accelerated therapy to identify and overcome self-limiting beliefs. This helps you understand how verbal and non-verbal communication affects the human brain.

- Landmark Education and AsiaWorks are both global phenomenons.

The AsiaWorks program is not yet available in India yet. However, you can participate in it in Singapore, Malaysia and Indonesia.

Or you may be attracted to a more spiritual method like 'Art of Living', 'Vipasana', or transcendental meditation techniques.

Whichever route you take, it will lead to intensive personal growth.

 

3. Automate, Eliminate and Delegate

In order to do this, you must have a strong understanding of yourself and your team. I have listed a few tests you can take.

If it's your own business, find ways to automate some of the processes. Speak to your web developer or even brainstorm with your employees. Look for things that you really don’t need, and eliminate them. To delegate is to trust that someone else has the ability to do a job well. 

How to understand your role and your team members better:

- Study and take a few of Jung’s tests - These are based on the work of Carl Jung, David Kiersey, Isabel Myers and Katherine Briggs.

They include the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator (MBTI) and the Kiersey Temperment Sorter. They measure four opposite factors, Introversion/Extroversion, Thinking/Feeling, Intuition/Sensing, and Judging/Perceiving.

- You can try DISC, which is a group of psychological inventories developed by John Geier and others. They measure dominance, influence, steadiness and compliance.

- Get 360 degree feedback, which is a developmental tool used to help employees recognize strengths and weaknesses, and become more effective.

- Do a SWOT (strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, threats) analysis of your own strengths, weaknesses, opportunities and threats, or even those of your team, your project or your company.

- Learn how to use the 6 hats of creative thinking.This method was devised to manage creative brainstorming constructively. Originally developed by Dr Edward de Bono, the technique has become widely accepted as a powerful management tool with proven benefits in communication and decision-making.

 

4. Clean Up Your Inbox, Desktop and Desk

Do this every evening before you leave. This reduces your visual clutter and helps you focus on the tasks in your to-do list. Buy an in-and-out tray, and make sure there are no loose pieces of paper or documents lying around.

Do the same with your desktop. Sort through your emails and put them in folders. Getting organized will help you become more productive.

 

5. Keep Distractions to a Minimum and Meetings Short and Straightforward

Yes, we all need a little bit of fun during the day. We like planning the weekend, joking and relaxing. However, you must create a structure for this, so that it does not seep into your workday. Open a new email account for your friends to send you jokes and try to keep work emails linited to strictly work. In meetings, take responsibility to keep time, and leave when you have to go. KISS-–Keep It Short and Simple, and you'll find yourself getting ahead in no time!


Ask Malti a question and check out the other experts Guylife has on board to answer your queries.

 

 


Experiencing hot and cold in your relationship? Is it really still a relationship? Be honest with yourself. You are feeling uncomfortable in your stomach, you are just not feeling like the confident, independent woman you used to be, your instincts are telling you loud and clear, but you don’t want to listen.

Why? You invested time, emotion and hope into this. How can you just give up, maybe he needs time? Psychologically it is normal to delay and postpone the undesirable inevitable.

 

People treat you exactly the way you expect to be treated. If you give him permission to drop in and out of your life at his whims, guess what he will do? I was once with a bunch of guy friends, listening in like one of the boys as they were praising a particular famous beauty in the country, who never opened the car door for herself, and they said, that guys did it for her because she stood there, expecting them to. They were in awe of her, because of the respect she commanded. If you “over-perform”, you leave little room for the guy to perform at all.

 

I love men, please don’t read me wrong, however when a man treats you in a way that is demeaning, you have to remember your Goddess responsibilities which include holding up the respect of women kind, just like Wonder Woman did!

 

When a man treats you disrespectfully and they come back, make sure you make it challenging for them to redeem themselves. Don’t drop your plans just to accommodate him. Never cancel on your girlfriends or family just to see him and never agree to see him on the same day that he contacts you. When a man walks out of your life, have the sensibility to know that he knew exactly what he was doing, and maybe he didn’t care enough or maybe he thinks you will easily let him back into your beautiful world.

 

If you are nearly as old as me, you could conjure up a vision of the magical Amazonian island that Wonder Woman and the other beautiful powerful sisters lounged around scantily clad in bliss. Hang with your girlfriends and always look your best. Remember that you are woman, the fairer sex and men spend far more minutes in a day finding ways to get into our world. It is a privilege.

 

If you want to accept his explanations and apologies, be his friend, don’t allow it to go beyond friendship unless he works really hard for it. He needs to sense and know that you KNOW that you deserve to be treated like a princess or a Goddess even. Just like you would with a dog or a child you want to train, you can’t be rewarding them for doing something wrong, you will confuse them. Many women I have spoken to end up becoming even more “giving”, “caring”, generous and kind to the one who treated them badly. This is absolutely the wrong time to lay on your motherly, loving need to nurture. Find a child or dog to do that with, or a best friend.

 

When a man just blows you off, either he’s married/involved with someone else, genuinely liked you and enjoyed the thrill or romance of dating someone new and realized that he can’t go on being deceptive OR he is just confused and has no idea what he wants. Who knows, he may have been temporarily infatuated, perhaps someone slipped him some Amortentia – (The most powerful love potion from Harry Potter; creates an infatuation or obsession – not love) Often guys like to hold out for something better. Somewhat like not accepting an invitation for a Saturday night too soon, in case something more interesting pops up. Do you want to be that girl, the “oh no one better showed up, so I will settle for her for a while?”

 

Unless he was himself in ICU and could not get to a phone, there is simply no reason for him to drop out of your life without an explanation. Many of my inquiries say, “but maybe he lost all his contacts”, or he has work issues, or his family are visiting. These are excuses, haven’t you been a with someone who would find the two minutes it would take to send you a text message to say what was going on, because he respects your feelings and your time?

 

For as long as you stay in this dissatisfying and demoralizing situation, a man who will love and cherish you will not be able to even find you. Avoidance of relationships in an attempt to avoid pain is not the answer either. The pain is there anyway. Three failed relationships in as many years are more likely to force you into awakening than three years on a desert island or shut away in your room. Eckhart Tolle

 

When you have one man taking up too much “rent-free” space in your mind, it is time to take an extra active role again in yourself. Think of other things to do and opportunities to meet more people, men and women. These are symptoms of infatuation.

 

Infatuation: One dictionary defines the word as “completely carried away by unreasoning passion or attraction.”  This does not mean that it is all bad. In fact it can be extremely enjoyable and as long as you treat it as what it is, a brief interlude of romance and passion and you don’t let it turn into an obsession, is great. Distinguishing between the real thing and infatuation can be challenging especially in the early stages. Only giving it time and allowing it the opportunity to grow while you both get to know each other really, will you be able to uncover the authenticity of your feelings.

 

In the early stages as unromantic as this will sound, these heart-racing feelings are nothing but a chemical reaction similar to having taken a “love-potion”. It is like a cocktail of Dopamine – the "pleasure chemical," which invoke the feeling of bliss, Norepinephrine – which is similar to adrenaline and causes your heart to race together with the amount of serotonin and dopamine released in the body explained by Helen Fisher, an anthropologist from Rutgers University.

 

Your life is what matters. You have to be independently happy in order to attract a worthy man into your life. Focus on your body, your mind, learn and learn more about who you are and learn ways to express yourself. Try not to allow the rush of chemicals rule your life and determine your moods which then affect your actions. How much more time are you going to waste? Through your work, your hobbies, talents and your passions and when you are most independent and happy and you least expect it, you will attract a wonderful man into your life and you will know it when this happens, it will feel easy not hard, it will flow, not need so much work and analysis, so keep your golden lasso handy.

 

Remember that although it may seem that we are living in a modern world, wherever you are in the world, men, instinctively still want to pursue a woman, and they appreciate what they have to work hard for, just like back in the caveman era, only hopefully now they won’t just knock you on your head with a club and drag you into their tents! :)

 

By Malti Bhojwani

 


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