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This is a quick and direct consultation to help you see what you may not be able to see for yourself objectively and your caring and supportive friends don’t want to say to you.
You can also send us your question (no more than one page please) with a bank check or money order in the amount equivalent to Rs1,800 Indian rupees and we will E-mail the answer ASAP.
He's Just Not That Into You has enjoyed phenomenal success since its publication in the later half of 2004. Authored by a former Sex and the City writer, the popular dating guide has spawned national reading tours, international television interviews, a ton of revenue, and even a Hollywood film.
This section of MCI’s coaching has been inspired by “The Rules” by Elen Fein and Sherrie Sclhneider, Men are from Mars and Women are from Venus by John Gray, The Dance of Intimacy by Harriet Lerner and “He’s Just Not That Into You” By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
We know this is hard to accept. We've heard it all—every rationalization imaginable...he was going to call but didn't. Now you're sure it's because you didn't smile or talked too much or didn't thank him for dinner... The bottom line is, if he hasn't called, he's not that interested. —The Rules, p. 231
It's a fantasy relationship unless a man asks you out.Your quoted text goes here! - The Rules, p. 195
An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way. Harriet Lerner – Dance of Intimacy
Do any of these scenarios sound familiar? Or perhaps your guy is a little like this and a little like that?
I have been going out with this really good looking man for 4 months now and we are very close. He told me he is married and has 2 kids. He says he wants to be with me, but needs his family to accept his decision. But what are his intentions? It is always on again and off again. He is honest about his work and his stress. He trusts me. He does not like me drinking and sometimes gets possessive when I am around other men.
We only ever meet for sex, he does not call me during the week, he may text me sometimes to ask what I am up to. We never talk about the future and he will never take me out clubbing. Once in a blue moon he may take me out for dinner but that is only because I complain and moan and groan. Do you think he loves me?
He is very secretive, has me on limited profile on his facebook and never lets me get near his phone, he travels with Viagra and a condom whenever he goes out of town. He often locks me out of his bedroom even though we are sleeping in the same home. When he travels he is erratic about when he calls me or is reachable. What do you think?
We made out a few times, but then he disappeared and only ever calls me late at night when he is drunk. He never takes me out, but when we are together he tells me how much he loves me. He gets annoyed if I call or text him and always says he is busy with work. He won’t reply my messages for hours and he never calls me. He says casually we will catch up but I find myself always cancelling plans, waiting at home in case he calls and I often fall asleep crying and waiting.
He really cares about me, he looks after me when I am sick. He respects my work and my family and makes the effort to spend time with my friends even though they are very different from him. He treats his mum with respect and love. He never makes promises he cannot keep. It is just that he has not spoken about a future with me yet directly, but he does refer to the future using the words “us” and “our”. He always calls me when he says he will.
His words and his actions say the same thing. He is interested in listening to my fears and my dreams. I am comfortable around him and can talk to my people with him around without feeling judged. He respects our differences. I smoke and want to quit and he does not give me a hard time about it but he does say that I should give it up when I am ready. When we fight, he calls me up soon after to sort it out. He cares about my preferences and respects them.
When I ask him if he loves me, he laughs and says of course I do and sometimes gets angry that I ask all the time. When I ask him if he sees himself with me forever, he says, he does not know, we are so young, let’s just enjoy today and not think about the future so much. His parents have made me feel like I am not good enough for him and sometimes I think he believes it too. Do you think he will marry me?
He treats me well, but he is always getting angry with people around him. Waiters, Valets, Phone operators. He is sarcastic and critical of others very often. He has never been in a healthy and exposed relationship in his past. He always went out with women who were either married or taboo to his society. He criticizes me and puts me down often. Most of his male friends are womanizers who enjoy leaving their women at home and encourage unfaithfulness. He rarely discusses his feelings with me and will just get into a bad mood and ask to be left alone. He does not want to be involved in my life.
Don't waste time on a fantasy relationship. You may have a good rapport with your doctor, lawyer or accountant, and you may find yourself wondering if he is interested in you romantically. How can you know for sure? If he's never asked you out, then - He's Just Not That Into You!
We're not saying he doesn't like you or that he didn't have a great date or that you're not on his mind sometimes, but if he hasn't actually dialed your number, how interested can he be?
He's Just Not That Into You!
—All The Rules, p. 232
Even though it's what you feel, is it necessary to tell him that on the first date?
— OPRAH WINFREY
He’s Just Not That Into You - By Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo
What it says about men: In the words of author Greg Behrendt, "If a (sane) guy really likes you, there ain't nothing that's going to get in his way." This bestselling book is refreshingly upbeat, managing to focus less on man-bashing and more on women's inability to recognize a disinterested partner.
Advice to Men:
Readers know you're not their only option any more, so give them the attention they deserve and let them know you value your relationship. If you don't want to pursue your relationship, be honest about that, too. Readers of this book will be committed to living a life free of excuses, and they expect the same from you.
How to handle its readers: Like most self help books, readers of He's Just Not That Into You come away highly empowered. They know if you don't treat them properly, another, better suited man gladly will. Women like these are likely to have little patience for your immaturity, so making a good first impression is key. Authors Greg Behrendt and Liz Tuccillo challenge their readers to avoid men who:
- Keep them waiting by the phone
- Are not sure they want a relationship
- Make them feel sexually undesirable
- Drink or do drugs to an extent it makes them uncomfortable
- Fear talking about the future
- Are married
We are not licensed to practice psychology, and any coaching with MCI is not intended to replace psychological counseling, but is simply a coaching philosophy based on our own experiences and those of thousands of clients who have contacted us.
Coaching is not to be used as a substitute for professional advice by legal, medical, financial, business, spiritual or other qualified professionals. Clients are encouraged to seek independent professional guidance for legal, medical, financial, business, spiritual or other matters. All decisions in these areas are exclusively the client's and the client acknowledges that their decisions and actions regarding them are their sole responsibility.
All information and identities in coaching will be held as confidential unless stated otherwise, in writing, except as required by law - as per ICF (International Coach Federation) Ethics. Certain topics may be anonymously and hypothetically shared with other coaching professionals for training OR consultation purposes.
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