Malti answers some important questions on Life Coaching and how to choose the right coach for yourself.

1) Can you tell us a little bit about you or your company, also about your life coaching services?

I started coaching over 12 years ago in Sydney, trained in Life Coaching with International Coach Academy, then trained in NLP with Christopher Howard, was involved in Personal Development and Transformation with AsiaWorks and Anthony Robbins. Since then I have kept in training as I realised that the more I learn the more I realise I have yet to learn. I am back in training in Ontological Coaching which includes the Body as well as Emotions and Language. I have presented at ICF conferences in India since then and I am about to have my second book published in April 2012. My first publication is caled TAG – My Journal. It is a gratitude journal to encourage guided writing in gratitude every night as a habit. I coach by phone/skype internationally using a unique 12-week program. Apart from the scheduled weekly calls, I support my clients with phone, whatsapp, email messages in between to help hold them accountable.

2) This may be a simplistic question,  but in your own words: What is life coaching?

Helping, fixing and serving represent 3 different ways of seeing life.

When you help, you see life as weak,

when you fix, you see life as broken,

when you serve, you see life as whole.

Service is the work of the soul.

(Kitchen Table Wisdom by Rachel Naomi Remen)

As a Life Coach, we aim to serve, not to fix or to help. That would be the primary distinction. I have been coaching internationally for over a decade.

Coaching is very different from counseling and therapy. The main distinction is that coaching is a relationship where the results and answers are co-created, the coach does not advise or fix anything, the coachee is capable and has the resources to do that and the coaching relationship creates the space for the coachee to be and grow.

Ontological coaching is a professional practice based on the understanding that human beings
are linguistic beings. What ontological coaching does, at a minimum, is to expand the
space of possibilities that someone is in an expansion that requires an external intervention (the
coach) to take place. The most important aspect of ontological coaching though, is that it allows
the coachee to observe him/herself as a self, to acknowledge the narrowness and Iimitations of
that self and to expand that self beyond its boundaries, beyond the horizon of possibilities
available to the coachee's own interventions.

3) For sure life coaching covers a huge range of areas and topics. What type of people seek your services? What is your typical client? (is there a typical client for a life coach?)

I have coached for many years and I have coached men and women, in their 20s and 60s from all walks of life, however as the Unvierse will have it, I often attract people who are either in a similar place to me or who are going through the changes that I went through myself. So typically, I have worked with single men and women looking for a relationship, people getting over a break up, wanting to lose weight and start a new business and make it grow and also people who want to become coaches or authors themselves.

4) What do you love the most of providing life coaching, what is the best part of your type of work?

The best thing about coaching for me has been the out of the blue email I receive from someone I had worked with updating me on their life and where they are going where they thank me for some of the practices and distinctions they learnt through our coaching relationship. This fills me with a sense of boundless gratitude and joy. it is indescribable!
When I see my clients soar to heights even they never say possible. Nothing compares to this feeling. I feel so so blessed to be here.

5) Please highlight some of your services as a life coach, what services and attributes make you different and unique.

I coach to anywhere from anywhere, my clients range from Australians, Nigerians, Singaporeans and Indonesians, Londeners, New-Yorkers even people from Panama and India. I coach by phone and I support my clients in between with messages. I am also developing a unique module for single women to help them date with dignity and a lot of my coaching include practices that the client embodies in order to change the way they feel and speak. My blend of life coaching, nlp, ontological coaching, somatic work and my experience co-mingled with my strong spiritual connection makes working with me unique.

6) A normal working day for you as a life coach involves…

For me, I wake up with my tea while I go through my smart phone and reply connect with all my clients, then I update my social media sites with provocative questions or statements, I usually have about 4 calls a day, I only work with a maximum of 12 people at any given time as I do give them a lot of support in between the sessions via email and messages. I go for a walk on the treadmill or outside, and I go for pilates, I plan and cook healthy meals and I take a TV break when I eat, usually watching one of my fav shows. I had calls, conferences and presentations internationally, so I am often traveling, the first thing that goes into my suitcase is my track pants and my runners. I write a lot if I am not writing a book, I am submitting articles to various publications, so a lot of my time is spent on my lap top typing away, researching, editing and if not then I am either coaching my clients or recording videos and designing modules. But don’t get me wrong, I do enjoy dancing and white wine, so on the weekend and some evenings, I do get out.

7) What is one of the most common misconceptions about life coaches?

That we have all the answers and that we can help or fix you.

8.) The life coaching industry is relative young in Australia, where do you see it heading?

I was lucky to get in when it just started and this was around 2000-2001. Coaching as a profession only started about 14 years ago…with the formation of the ICF – International Coach Academy and its core-competencies, ethical guidelines and credential protocol. I was lucky to hav been featured amongst the first life coaches ever in Australia with a huge front page story in the Sunday Telegraph insert, Body & Soul back then and my research paper, Marriages May End but Families Are Forever received enormous circulation in print and on the net translated into several languages and is still referred to to support co-parenting after divorce. I always work with coaches in training who are on their way to becoming coaches themselves and I support them in the transition.

—The Life Coaching and Personal Development Industry has been one of the highest growth industries in the world over the last five years. Australia is in the middle of it.

—Personal development refers to activities that improve self-knowledge and identity, develop talents and potential, build human capital and employability, enhance quality of life and contribute to the realization of dreams and aspirations.

—According to market research and statistics, it is a 64 billion dollar industry worldwide. In the US alone, an estimated 9.6 billion dollars was invested in personal development in 2005 in the form of:- books- motivational speakers- personal coaching- weight loss programs- audio tapes- stress management programs It is also projected that this industry will grow at the rate of 11.4 percent yearly and reach 13.9 billion dollars in 2010.

9) Why life coaching? how did you get started?

Coaching because I believe in moving forward and in life. I am the optimist and forget about a glass being half empty or full, I like to think we all have a whole damn jug ful! Coaching does not ask the question Why, but rather How and What next. I started when I was in my late 20s and I am now 40, after my divorce and heartaches which led to my own personal transformation. I realised that it was my calling to be able to engage people in a conversation for possibilities of results rather than reasons.

10) What should people look for when seeking for a life coach. What we should ask before starting with a coach?

I think rapport is very important, I no longer offer free sessions, but I do offer a 30 – 45 – minute “check for chemistry” call for a good intro to life coaching and a look at the presenting goals, and challenges the clients is facing and this call helps us both see if we want to and can work together. This is charged at $180 and it is deductible and considered session 1 or the 12 if the client goes ahead to sign up for the 12 sessions.

You should ask the coach about their experience and training. Coaching is built on experience, it is through experience that a competent coach can trust their own instincts to best serve the client.
Look for credibility, google the coach’s name and see if the coach seems to project qualities that you yourself desire. See if the coach is endorsed by other websites and bodies, newspapers and publications for their expertise. Ensure that the coach is not actually a therapist, consultant, counsellor or someone who gives great advice. Check the coach's credentials, I think ICF is the most recognised internationally.

Ask if he or she has a coach. If they don’t believe in the process themselves, they can’t make a very good coach, Coaching is not about heirachy, I am not better than you, we co-create and the goal is your success.

To book a "check Chemistry call" for $180 with Malti Bhojwani scroll down to the payment option.

Company Name: Multi Coaching International
Website: http://www.multi-coaching.com
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Life Coaches Sydney NSW

A good boss is one who shows appreciation for each unique employee seeing clearly how they each contribute to him/her getting the job done. They value their employees and shares the common vision and goals of the company with them in a trusting way.

You can stay out of your house longer if you don't like your wife, ignore your parents' calls when you are too bored to talk to them, but bosses... that's a tricky one. Whether you like them or not, you have to interact with them, and if you are planning to stick around in your job, you have to keep them happy. While not everyone has a boss from hell, you sure as hell hate something about your boss that you just can't ignore. We give you the most common archetypes and with the help of life coach Malti Bhojwani, here are tips on how to deal with them.

1. The dangler
So you've planned a big tour through Europe with your friends, a la Zindagi na Milegi Dobara, after speaking to your boss. This kind of boss has promised you can take the leave if you put in a few extra hours. A week before your flight, they turn around and say you can't leave because there is a bigger project in the offing. You are stuck with The Dangler.

They promise things in return for more work and do not fulfill those promises.

Deal with it
If you see this often, email your boss copying everyone else in the meeting about the promises and expectations. Practise writing self-appraisals, train yourself to look at the big picture and type out a self-appraisal every month to send to your boss. This will keep him in the loop about what you are accomplishing for the company. Remind them of their promises every once in a while. Have full faith in yourself - you are a valuable employee or you wouldn't be here. Fearless is the only way to be. These bosses smell fear instinctively.

2. The best friend
This type is great to hang out with, and if you weren't working together, you guys would've been best chums. But when the boss is upset if you don't reveal personal things or forces you to hang out with him/her even if you have plans, it becomes problematic. They are always in your face and everything you do can turn into an emotional argument about how you hurt them.

Deal with it
These bosses don't have a life. Limit the personal info you share and keep your work and social life separate. You aren't being rude, just drawing boundaries.

3. The Viper
If you have barbs thrown at you constantly like, 'My kid makes better presentations than you' or 'I'm glad you wore that dress, it reminds me of what my grandma wore when I was a kid', then you are stuck with the viper. When they get to work, all they seem to want to do is spread their venom around and sink those fangs into you.

Deal with it
Keep this one at arm's length, you don't want to be stung. Practise communicating directly with your boss keeping your worth in mind.

4. The number cruncher
You have been working really hard, but the project that was a done deal suddenly slipped through your fingers. Your boss is aware of the effort you have put in, but is still on your back because the numbers are down. This species does not understand anything other than stats. Your blood and sweat are just body fluids to them.

Deal with it
Do your homework to display a comparative report on numbers between yourself and your competitors. Document the number of attempts/ hours spent per project.

5. The invisible man
If the only person you can turn to during a crisis at work is the mirror, then you have are suffering from the absent boss syndrome. They are always at meetings, imagined or real, and when it's not workrelated, they are chilling with the wife and kids at a sea-side resort in Lakshadweep, while you are pulling 15-hour days in the office.

Deal with it
Find ways to get schedule weekly meetings with them. Try not to be spiteful that they are away. It could also be that they are not aware that you need them.

6. The flaming fury
When was the last time you saw your boss smile? If your answer ranges between never and the last time they fired your colleague, then we sympathise with you. While anger is an emotion that is usually associated with bosses, this one is in the extreme. Whether you are doing a good or a bad job, it doesn't matter. All you receive is a little spittle when they are screaming down your face and a few insults to wipe your face with.

Deal with it
Be as humorous as you can, smile at them, treat them as a human being you care about and see if your 'love' will rub off. They are the ones who probably think the only way to get anything done is to be pissed off. Offer them some kindness and see how the relationship shifts. Often it is your reaction and expectation that they are pissed off that causes the cycle and it just keeps going on and on. It takes only one of you to change the dance between the two of you. So why not take the lead?

7. The softy
This is the one who walks on eggshells around you, apologizes when they ask you to do something, get walked all over by stronger employees and you often feel sorry for them. They are scared of you and this can be very disempowering.

Deal with it
A good approach is to resume the role of a cheerleader and point out to this boss their strengths and show them appreciation. Make this boss look good to their superiors and to your colleagues.

8. The early riser
Early to rise, early to bed. Okay, maybe the saying is the other way around, but this could well be your future if you are stuck with The Early Riser. They are obviously going to be stepping on toes, and your very simple day-to-day job can turn into a political drama.

Deal with it
They want to gain rank and accolades for themselves. Don't feel bad, for often their promotion could mean a promotion for you too. Support this boss in looking good.

9. The nitpicker
Your office is a minefield if you are suck with The Nitpicker. If you put your left foot forward, they demand that you should have put your right and if you put your right, they ask why you didn't swing your hands enough. They will always find faults in everything you do.

Deal with it
Set your boundaries. Let them know you are uncomfortable with them breathing over your shoulder. Request for an 'Operation Manual' if they want specifics.

10. The memento-r
If your boss uses the Five Ws to being every second sentence then unfortunately you are stuck with The Memento-r. He forgets important meetings, ideas that you pitched, and sometimes even forgets that you exist. While you wish you can tattoo everything you spoke about on his body, you realise he is soon going to run out of skin.

Deal with it
Help this one out with reminders, emails, postits, notes. Speak to your colleagues to support this type of boss. Realise and acknowledge that they are in that position due to particular skills or expertise that they possess. If they tend to forget important information, communicating that with them and setting

structures in place to help them would only help you in the long run.

World Business and Executive Coach Pre-Summit May 1^st, 2012

https://modernmethods.infusionsoft.com/go/wbecs/gsdf

Last year…

Over 7,000 coaches listened in from the comfort of their own homes.

An industry first…

Top experts under one "virtual" roof, making sure all in attendance got:

• Maximum value
• Executive training
• Great strategies and advice.

This year, we're back better than ever, with another all-star lineup.

If you'd like to sneak a peak, you can attend the initial WBECS sessions FREE via the pre-Summit series.

Click on this link to register:

https://modernmethods.infusionsoft.com/go/wbecs/gsdf

A small selection of thought leaders presenting at the summit will include:

• Sir John Whitmore—pre-eminent thinker in leadership and organisational change
• Verne Harnish—named one of the "Top 10 Minds in Small Business" by Fortune magazine

• Dr. (VG) Vijay Govindarajan—world's leading expert on strategy and innovation

• Dr. Marshall Goldsmith—#1 leadership and #7 business thinker in the world…2011 Thinkers 50 ceremony.

WBECS has one simple mission in mind:

To dramatically improve the success of business and executive coaches the world over…

If you're on board with that, you won't want to miss THE online industry event of the year—WBECS 2012…

Sign up today to reserve your spot.

To Your Continued Success,

Malti Bhojwani - PCC ICF

PS: You'll be pleased to know—No Sales Pitches Allowed!

How To Achieve The "Seemingly" Impossible - by Professional Life Coach - Malti  Bhojwani

Understanding Your Barriers

Before we begin, it’s important that you identify your own limits and parameters. What constitutes as possible and normal, and what do you deem as impossible? Would you run 42 kms, climb Kilimanjaro or contend with the extreme cold of the Arctic? Or perhaps would you attempt to break bricks with your bare hands or scale and climb over 5’ high boards like free runners do? 

I haven’t indulged in any of the above myself as yet, though I will someday soon! As a life coach, I too feel like stretching my personal limits. I am currently working with a few clients who have declared similar goals for 2012 and unsurprisingly, several of my newer friends this year are on similar paths. They say we always attract people who will lead the path forward for our own journeys into our lives--and they're right!

Based on the conversations I had with a few of my friends, I came to the same conclusion: It takes discipline, persistence, and power of mind to stretch oneself. By doing this, you would be overcoming and deconditioning fear through perseverance and practice. These are the same ingredients required to do anything that you deem “impossible” at first, aren’t they?


How Others Do It

Most of the runners I spoke to said that if they put their mind to something and achieved it, they felt as though they could achieve anything. In long runs and in climbing mountains, you are sure to hit a wall when you can’t go any further and it is painful and feels impossible and your body screams for you to stop. It will resist going on; some people will physically faint or throw up! This is homeostasis, i.e. the point where many people give up. However, someone who is determined will know that stopping is not an option, so they continue to persevere through the pain. They climb, pursue, push or run with the pain and it is this very act of alignment of body, mind and emotions that is the very essence of achieving anything else that is “seemingly impossible” in your life. 

I’ve broken down how you can actually achieve this state of mind:


Nothing Is Impossible

This is the first and golden rule. Things are only impossible until someone does it. Millions of people achieve seemingly impossible tasks like running marathons, climbing mountains, and mastering kung-fu.

In Feb 2012, 25-year-old Kyle Maynard, a quadriplegic, climbed Mount Kilimanjaro. This is an icy, 19,340-foot climb that has challenged the most hardened and seasoned of athletes.

As performing arts enthusiast Darshan Dave so aptly says, “Every time we go to break a brick, we have to tell ourselves it is possible; every time a traceur attempts to do a precision jump over 6-inch broad bars over a distance of 5 feet or more, he has to tell himself that it is possible. That’s the first step.”


Where Is the Impossibility?

I decided that readers might be more willing to accept the possibility of all of this if it came from real people who have actually managed to accomplish ‘impossible’ feats. Read these quotes and real-life experiences and I guarantee, you will be inspired to infuse your own life with some will-power and determination!

“The impossibility is only in our heads. If you tell yourself you can do something and you envision yourself doing it and then you align your mind and body and energy to that one task, there should be nothing to stop you from achieving that task. And when I say align your mind, body and energy, I do mean you train aptly and sufficiently to achieving your goal. To do the impossible begins with believing it’s possible." - Mountaineer & Marathoner, Akash Loungani, Dubai.

Vanessa Hendriadi, Indonesia, said she was not much of a runner, or to be more precise, she hated running. Her excuses were the common, “I go to the gym regularly, why do I need to run?” “I have flat feet,” and “I am not built to run." Just last month, she ran through the finish line of a 42 km marathon in Hong Kong. 

“24 km to go. How should I motivate myself? From kilometer 24 to 38, it was all a mind game. I found a way by dedicating each kilometre to a person that I love or an intention I set for myself. I wanted to stop and walk countless times, but I tried to keep my focus, one person and one intention at a time. I used that focus to tell my legs to keep stepping forward.” All that my blurry eyes could see was the “FINISH” sign as if it were right in front of me. Crossing the line, I felt like a new person who could overcome anything. I am now a marathoner!" - Vanessa

Darshan Dave explained further. In parkour, discipline is imperative, whether you are climbing over a wall, jumping off one, or scaling over a ledge or a ditch, the ability is developed by both unconditioning and disciplining one's mind and body. The body can only overcome when the mind says it is possible and that takes endless practice. Then there’s the progression & practise, meaning you start with conditioning your body and unconditioning your mind. Your mind is preprogrammed to resisting it, deeming such movement “impossible,” so it takes the body and the mind time and repetition to reprogram itself into believing it is indeed possible, and hence being able to actually do it progressively. 

“Surely, you don’t get it at the first try and so this is when discipline and solid belief come into play by repeatedly doing the same action hundreds and even thousands of times in the right manner before you actually get it. The ease, effortlessness and the grace in the movement of a true martial artist and a traceur is a result of all the effort that he puts while practising. The result is directly proportional to the right effort with a disciplined mind.” -Darshan Dave

“Whether you think you can or whether you think you can’t, you’re right.” -Henry Ford


Conquering the Impossible in Your Life

So what “impossible” feat are you going to commit to conquering this year? All you need to do is decide that it is possible and you are on your way. And remember, when you spend your life turning more and more “impossibles” into achievements, you will find that nothing is really impossible so long as you have a compelling desire and solid belief. It is those two things that will ensure you put in the devotion and discipline needed to overcome anything and achieve any feat!

As featured on Indiatimes and Guylife today:

Excerpt from book:

Values are the things that matter most to us, while Security, Status and Patriotism may be highly important to you Freedom, Adventure and Money may be more important to another. This is why you often have friends say to you, “I found a better job,” Better than what? Better in pay or in status and security? or, “I am moving to France for a better life,” What’s a better life? Better in what sense? or, “Why are you with her, you can find someone much better,” Better looking? From a better family? More educated? Part of what determines that which is “better” for us or not is our values and of course, our personal desires and our past experiences.

We already have our values, they are intrinsically built into us like an internal compass, so the shortest way to discovering what they are, is by looking at our major decisions in the past. Another way of doing this is to look at a list of prescribed or common values. I have listed a few of the more common ones below for you to have a look at.

If the ones you are looking for are not there, please just add them. Also the more extensive your vocabulary is, the more specific you can get with your value list, but the aim is not to be verbose but rather to pick the top ones that truly matter to you.

Exercise

Look at the list of values below and pick ten that are most important to you and circle them. Once you have done this, reduce that to five, and then to three. Three top values are all you need to help you navigate through your life together with your desires, your personal declaration and your intuition.

I found that I was able to group many of my values under one main value, and in that way I was able to feel complete with my top three. To me, Family, Friendship, Spirituality and Compassion all fell comfortably under Love. And Success, Abundance, Luxury fell under Freedom. And Adventure, Pleasure, Variety fell under Fun.

Once you have your list of 10, 5 and 3, keep them safely. You will be able to see how your life has always already been guided by these values. Choosing three does not mean that the others are not important, however, having three top values will make it so much easier for you to navigate.

Beauty

Openness

Challenges

Patriotism

Charity

Peace

Cleanliness

Perfection

Commitment

Personal Growth

Communication

Perseverance

Community

Pleasure

Competence

Power

Competition

Practicality

Compassion

Preservation

Connection

Privacy

Cooperation

Progress

Coordination

Prosperity

Creativity

Punctuality

Determination

Regularity

Democracy

Reliability

Discipline

Religion

Enjoyment

Romance

Equality

Safety

Excellence

Security

Fairness

Sensitivity

Faith

Simplicity

Faithfulness

Stability

Family

Status

Freedom

Strength

Friendship

Success

Fun

Timeliness

Flirtation

Tolerance

Generosity

Tradition

Gentleness

Tranquility

Global view

Trust

Gratitude

Truth

Hard work

Unity

Happiness

Variety

Harmony

Well-being

Health

Wisdom

Honor

Innovation

Improvement

Integrity

Independence

Intelligence

Individuality

Intensity

Inner peace

Justice

Integrity

Kindness

Knowledge

Leadership

If you would like support in clarifying your values and more, scroll down to book yourself a power coaching session with Malti herself for $180. Her years of experience and extensive training will create the space needed for her to ask you some powerful questions in order to serve you in creating the awareness needed to navigate smoothly and proactively through your life.

Stop being a playa - as featured in the Mumbai Mirror

Kevin Lobo speaks to Clinical Psychologist Salma Prabhu and Professional Life Coach Malti Bhojwani to help you break the pattern.

You’re tired of casual dating and want to switch to a more serious lane. Here’s how to shift gears

Posted On Thursday, March 29, 2012 at 12:37:47 PM

So you have been adding more partners to that tally board you've maintained in your diary. Olympic record close at hand. But suddenly you are hit with the realization that you want something more from your relationships. Casual dating can be a fun experience, but if you indulge in it for too long a time, it can turn into a pattern. And emotional patterns are very hard to break. If you are sick of dinners leading to drinks, and then a little sweating between the sheets, heed the advice of our experts.

Identity card
Casual dating within its limits is fun, but a lot of people tend to hide their demons behind it. Life Coach Malti Bhojwani says, “Many people who date casually are not happy with themselves. They think they are not good enough for a serious relationship, hence they will not commit to anyone.”

Such people even when they want to make a conscious switch to dating seriously are unable to do so. To rectify this problem clinical psychologist Salma Prabhu has a solution. She says, “Such a conflicted person must spot what he or she is looking for in a relationship. It could be anything from emotional to sexual to having fun to just wanting someone to talk to.”

This “identification analysis” is the key to realizing what is wrong in the first place. Your dates and the decisions that you take during them are indicative to an emotional need. Once these are identified, you can work on changing things around. Only after you have identified what your pattern is and have decided to work on it, can you be open to dating again.

Communicate
Now, this might seem really obvious but it is not. For people who have been dating casually for too long, having a serious conversation about what they are looking for in a relationship can be the most difficult part. This is a combination of both verbal and non-verbal communication. Prabhu says, “Everything from your body language to the way you treat your date signifies how serious you are looking to get. So for example, if you meet your date and tell him/her that she is looking hot and not beautiful or charming, your message is clear.”

A person who wants to be in a relationship will make the effort. So messaging and calling, and taking the effort to woo a person, is all part of it. Bhojwani says, “If you have an air about you that you are too cool for relationships or that you will do anything to not appear vulnerable, it is one of the biggest signs that you are looking for something casual. If your inner feelings of wanting something serious and your portrayal of not caring how a date is going to go are incongruous, then there is something wrong here.”

Defences up
Because casual dating is all about finding the shortest way to a short-lived happiness, venturing into the real dating world can be full of hurt and rejection. You need to prepare yourself for this mentally. You need to try and judge a person faster as well. Salma Prabhu says, “You can't keep going out for dates and then realize that the person is just like the others you were going out with casually. I would recommend not more than two dates with a person, to judge how they are.” This may seem like a short period of time, but you can't go around feeling de-motivated and frustrated when things don't work out.

Draw a thick line
Bhojwani feels that while most people can turn down a booty call, serial casual daters find it a very difficult. “You have to stop taking every opportunity that comes your way. You need to sit back, and choose,” says Malti. Sleeping on a first date is a strict no-no.

“Instant gratification is something that serial casual daters get so used to that they have to relearn the art of saying no. Let your partner shower you with attention, let them woo you. You aren't playing hard to get, you are just taking things slow so that you know where this is leading. If your date is not interested, he/she will leave. At least you know you aren't part of that cycle any more.”

Many serial dating ‘Barneys’ think they are not good enough  for a serious relationship

Like Malti Bhojwani Professional Certified Life Coach & Author's Page on Facebook to read more of her posts and articles.

To book yourself a personal phone coaching session with Malti, scroll all the way down and click on the paypal link for US$180 (approx Rs9,200) This is for a 45min-1hours phone session with her personally.

I had been so busy, no time to be, to relax and to slow down. It has felt this way for a year now….since I moved into this flat in Mumbai….today I woke up with clarity to let it go. Working from home and for yourself and living alone can do that to you. I have been so committed and with wanting everything to happen yesterday, I have been working on my book, my virtual coach software with my partners in Canada and Singapore, finishing my Newfield Ontological training, coaching my current personal clients and developing and filming for my youtube channel along with writing articles for various publications and developing modules for corporates and education non-stop. I woke up and I slept constantly connected to my blackberry which never stopped because I communicate internationally, someone is always awake.

*be - lots about "being" in my upcoming book

I didn’t realise that I did not stop til yesterday when a friend called and til yesterday I was hardly accepting personal calls, except from parents, brothers and daughter and when he asked me how I was, and I said busy, he said, but you are always busy…..I worked and I went to the gym and that’s about it with the occasional weekend out, but then too very conscious about having to wake up early the next day….my computer on all day and my projects brewing all night...

It hit me….I was living a contradiction to what I declared I wanted to do. I guess it was exactly what I needed for the past year….finishing a 66,000++ word personal development book is a project that took its own life... and I spent the year establishing my practice internationally whilst settling into India. I also achieved my PCC (professional certified coach credentials) But this morning, I exhaled…. Phew….

I guess the exhilaration of finishing the book is slowly seeping into my body.

And today, after I decided what I am doing for now, I feel like I am on holiday, not something I have been OK to do guiltlessly….so here it is, my time to be on a bit of a holiday, (don’t worry, my dear clients and readers – my coaching and writing won’t stop… I am here for you and I am sure you will appreciate the “lightness” I will bring to our calls  henceforth!)

Yesterday I received an email from Higher Awareness, this is one of the inspirational websites I subscribe to that always seem like they are talking to JUST me. Like they have been put on the Universe for me, have you ever felt that?

"One has to abandon altogether the search for security, and reach out to the risk of living with both arms.

-- Morris L. West

The insight I got yesterday was that my attachment to earning money for a false sense of security that I would get from a home and material possessions was what was keeping me from flying. Literally!

What security was I chasing when I have been so blessed with wings and again I am on the crest and I am gonna jump and soar….and the friendships and connections that matter and are real are never dependent on time or space. Staying in one space and stagnating will only turn them into habits, obligations and neediness....some of my closest connections are with people the furthest away from me. Some of my

dearest friends, who live down the road, I hardly see, because they live down the road.....

Looking forward to spending a lot more time with you ... (xx - you know who you are!!!)

Today, I woke up realizing that it is time to travel light again…

I had the epiphany and made some decisions... I'm going to be traveling for a few months off and on and also baby-sitting my dearest friend's son for a week, ...and I want to visit parents and my brother and his new dog "Destiny"  Feels like Destiny is calling! All the work I am doing I can do from anywhere in the world as long as I have internet and a keyboard. (time to buy an iPad too I think)

And I guess the biggest sign came to me when after all the apartments I had seen were  just not happening, then I saw one I liked, and the owner-dude declined my offer, because I'm a single woman in the city......I guess Sex And The City - Carrie kind of independence only exists in Manhattan!!!  So instead of being disappointed or annoyed, I smiled and decided, I am going to vagabond again for a few months til I find inspiration...this time with ease and grace....gratefully. Funny how when a circumstance was put onto me, I complained about it and now choosing the same predicament, I am rejoicing it!!! :)

"Many people think that by hoarding money they are gaining safety for themselves. If money is your ONLY hope for independence, you will never have it. The only real security that a person can have in this world is a reserve of knowledge, experience, and ability. Without these qualities, money is practically useless."

-- Henry Ford

Talk about perspective……a year ago, I remember complaining that I had been vagabonding and living out of a suitcase (ok a few suitcases) and that I needed a home, a bed-side table to place my journal and pen and eye-cream,……of my own….and when speaking to my brother, he reminded me to be careful what I wished for because a “Global best-selling-international author and speaker lives out of a suitcase”

I have also been referred to as a Gypsy many years ago and I think I have always had the heart of a gypsy but then societal norms and the need for “false security” and maybe being an Eatery Taurean, I have always thought  I needed a home and I have been ungrateful for so much that I have, because I didn’t have a space of my own.

Today I am at the same crossroad, having just finished the book and with travel plans all the way up til July at least, I don’t need a home again…. I am growing and changing and I need to be free again…I do see staying on now in Bandra in Mumbai and doing more of the same as “stagnating” Today a friend of mine told me he was happy for me that I had rediscovered my gypsy! :)

As I was typing this, my dearest and oldest friend Kiran called and I told her all and she laughed with me as she remembered me saying this back when I was in school over 25 years ago… that I wanted to live out of a suitcase. So she was so so happy for me and honestly said “WOW”! Wow that you can!!!

Once again, the world is my oyster.

Another dear friend of mine reminded me that a wise man once said..'travel light' on a holiday and in life..:)

Yes I've done that before.....thought I was done...but guess not yet!

I envision LOTS of travel this year, especially with the launch of the book nationally for sure and internationally as well.....so I might as well be as light as I can.

Selling furniture ....making myself light! Feel like I rediscovered my Gypsy heart... :) I'm feeling great, so it has to be right. Took me long enough to come to this space...of clarity..I had been plugging in and praying for clarity for a few weeks now. I was holding on to weight all kinds of weight! For no reason but a sense of security which I don't need as I KNOW now that the only security is my sense of inner faith and knowing that I am always cradled and blessed..... I have wings... I fly.....Malti Bhojwani - resident of the world, citizen of the Universe...

Want some coaching with traveling light and letting go? Book a 1 session power coaching call with Malti for $180 - scroll down to the link to pay and book in your session.

As Featured in GuyLife on the 22nd of March 2012

Malti Bhojwani is a certified life coach. "Like" her on facebook Malti Bhojwani - Professional Certified Life Coach & Author. When she's not teaching people how to improve their lives, she's helping scores of corporates, educational institutes, and individuals better themselves using her unique coaching techniques. She's also launched a series of YouTube videos offering tips and advice; check them out here.

Life’s all about perspective so before we begin, I’d like you to imbibe the following--there is no failure, just results. People who have never failed have basically never come out of their comfort zones or taken risks; they only did enough to get by and stayed on the sidelines of true success because they are so afraid of failing. 

Still, failing is a life experience--most often a painful one that we all have to go through. So here’s everything you need to know about dealing with it in the healthiest possible manner. I’ve broken it down into three simple segments, which should make it even easier to understand:


You Did Not Fail, It Did

First, lets define failure and success. What is success to you and will the lack of it equal failure? If that is the way you are seeing it, you are being extremely hard on yourself and this very emotion is what will come in the way of your success. 

Keep in mind that you are not a failure nor do you fail. A project may, a business might, but you don’t fail. This is because as long as you keep getting up and pursuing, your experiences are just a wealthy bank to help you get closer to your desires.


Opportunity To Revise Your Strategy

The experience is a part of getting the recipe right. So look at your strategies again and see what and where things went wrong. What were the signs and what were the emotions? What were you saying to yourself when you knew this was going south?

A strategy can be compared to a recipe. Ingredients and the timing and sequence are put in and the method they are mixed in is imperative. So remember that these experiences are a great opportunity to retrace your steps.

Also, keep in mind that insanity means doing the same thing over and over again but expecting a different result. So if you find that the results are not aligned with the expected outcomes, then you will need to, as a group, adjust the actions. Thus, it is essential to identify the particular course of action that did not work, and change your strategy. 

The journey of success is being comfortable to admit that you may have misjudged a situation.


Keep On Moving

Finally, don’t stop, don’t cry and certainly don’t blame or punish yourself! Leave the “Go into exile I must... failed I have” style insane behaviour to Star Trek characters like Yoda and get back on your horse and simply keep on moving. Persistence is faith in motion. You can only persist when you believe and you can only succeed when you persist. 

Be ready to make decisions. Have the passion and guts to stand up and take responsibility and most importantly, know that there are no failures, only feedback.

When my clients ask me,‘But what if I fail?’ I often tend to respond with a ‘What if you succeed?’ The strangest thing is that our deepest fear is not our darkness but in fact our light.

“Don't worry about failures, worry about the chances you miss when you don't even try.”- Jack Canfield (Creator of Chicken Soup For The Soul)


-Pictures courtesy Thinkstock-

http://guylife.com/news-lifemore/how-to-deal-with-failure/11683

Do leave your comments and questions.

“Success consists of going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm”– Winston Churchill

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Book yourself a session now - they will be the best investment you'll make this year....one call can change the course of your life with new perspective.

In fact, if you want to attract

true love, having a fabulous single life is just the thing to do.

Being happy makes you a love magnet - you will attract LOVE

into your life.

Here are 5 Ps to illustrate ways to be Happily Single. I should

know ☺

PEOPLE

Build a strong network of people who are there for you, people

who care about you and your life.

Often, singles feel lonely and disconnected,

which affects their day to day lives. They believe that the only

way to get their emotional needs met is through a partner. Yet

so many other people in your life can meet many of your

needs.

The more your needs get met, the less needy and the more

attractive you become. Also, the more your needs get met, the

less you need a partner. Needing a partner is a sure fire way

to never finding one!

Expecting a partner, one other human being to fulfill all your

needs is also putting too much pressure on the one

relationship. We all need to have a group of people who fulfill

different needs for us.

Look for clubs, groups or classes around subjects that interest

you. Rekindle relationships by reaching out to people already

in your life. Friends and relatives are a good place to start.

Seek out how you can contribute to their lives, instead of

wondering what they can give you.

PLEASURE

Think of the last times you smiled and felt blissful. Think of

how good you felt after doing something nurturing and

pleasurable.

Many of us singles do without pleasure and self-care and focus

all our energy on our work. It is as if we ourselves don't

matter; only our accomplishments do. Some of us tell

ourselves that when we find someone, it will all change, so we

decide that we will make time for pleasure with that someone,

but what about now for ourselves?

Think of adding luxurious, pleasurable things to

your day. These don't have to be huge and expensive,

perhaps a short drive, a few minutes reading a book, a nap, a

cream or cologne that smells or feels good, a nice meal,

listening to your favorite happy song. Mine is “I Can See

Clearly Now” by Bob Marley.

Pick three such things that you can do easily by remembering

the last few times you felt truly in bliss.

Or ask me how to make your very own Pleasure Lists.

Some of you who have coached with me would already have a

long list.

Try this perspective for size. There are only two emotions that

exist - Pleasure and Pain. Every other emotion we feel is a

degree or a variation of Pleasure or Pain.

When you are not “in pleasure”, you are “in pain” the absence

of pleasure is pain. Does not sound so good does it? So, keep

this in mind and see how many more hours a day you can be

“in pleasure” rather than “in pain.”

POWER OF NOW

Are you still waiting to be in a relationship to live the kind of

life you want and to do the things you love to do. Yet your life

happens now, today. It is not a dress rehearsal for when you

have a relationship. Read Eckhart Tolle’s “The Power Of Now”

When you want to do stuff, but stop yourself because you are

single, you are doing a dishonor to yourself. On the other

hand, living the life you want now enlivens and energizes

you. It gives you a sense of well being and happiness. And

living your life now also makes you very attractive! Remember

that attraction is present even when it is not visible. Think of a

magnet and its ability to draw to itself. Feel truly happy and

start magnetizing!

Read the late Lynn Grabhorn’s “Excuse Me, Your Life is

Waiting” or Rhonda Byrne’s “The Secret” to learn more about

how the Law of Attraction truly works

List the things you have not already done only because you

have been waiting to do them with your next wife, girlfriend,

husband, boyfriend, because you have been “saving” them to

do later with the love of your life. I always wanted to ride on a

hot-air balloon ideally with the man of my dreams, but the

opportunity presented itself to take that soaring flight with a

friend instead and I did! It was exhilarating!

List them and pick a few that excite you the most and do them

now. Don’t worry about “using them up” you can always do

them again when you find that partner.

PUT THE PAST IN THE PAST

We really have to let go of all past hurts and resentments.

Some of us hold on to the past as a way of preventing the

same thing from happening in the future.

Others hold on because they don't know how to let go. Either

way, the past drains your vital life energy. We worry that we

will continue to have unhappy, unsuccessful relationships.

Many believe that they will have to “settle for less” or risk

dying single.

It is these negative, self-doubting beliefs that attract more of

what we don’t want. We will subconsciously attract the

“wrong” type of people into our lives to help us act out our

self-fulfilling prophecies.

Learn how to let go. Read books, go to workshops and

seminars,

hire a therapist or a coach. Keep learning new ways to let go

of the past, and then apply them to gaining more and more

freedom.

Trust and believe that only good things and people will come

into your life! Be willing to trust and free-fall. What is the

absolute worst that could happen? You could meet someone

that is not appropriate, but remember that with every wrong

person you do meet, you are learning and coming that one

step closer to meeting the right one!

PASSION & PURPOSE

Have a purpose for waking up in the morning. Have a vision of

your place in the world and what you want to contribute to

others.

Rabbi Hillel: "If I am not for myself, then who will be for me?

And if I am only for myself, what am I? And if not now,

when?"

Yes we have to be for ourselves, that was what all the other Ps

was about, but a life’s purpose is about more than just

ourselves. Only when we are giving and enhancing other lives

in some way, will we be in line with our purpose and only

when we are moving towards living our life’s purpose do we

feel fulfilled and truly happy.

Waiting for a relationship to infuse your life with passion and

purpose is useless. A loving partner is not a substitute for a

meaningful life. Single or attached, your life's purpose is your

own, and will ignite you when you pursue it. You will know you

have found it when you feel truly happy every morning.

List things that light you up. What can you talk about for hours

without losing steam? Whatever that may be, it is a part of

your life purpose. Now get into action, if not now, when?

I was sitting with a thought as I was in a little discomfort over someone revolving their emotions around someone else and it came to me.

When you can find your center, the center of your body, your thoughts and emotions and your language, you can revolve around your own axis. When you revolve your life on someone outside of you, you lose your own alignment.

When you are dependent on the other person to make you happy, it is not love it is dependency. Need. Need is not love.

Just as the earth revolves around its own axis daily and through this eternal gentle revolving, it also revolves around the sun, if you don’t find your own axis and you don’t gently revolve around it, you cannot be for anyone. – MB 2012

We talk about Emotional Intelligence and Financial Independence, what about Emotional Independence which in my opinion is the most empowering attitude anyone can have.

So is there a guy or girl in your life and you are unsure about where it is going? Are you happy most days or incessantly looking at your phone to see if he or she has called?

Do you check if your messages went through and wonder if maybe Vodafone is down today? Do you check and re-check to see that you did not miss a call?  Was this meant to be casual or were you hoping that it would turn into some kind of a relationship?

NEWSFLASH: You are emotionally DEPENDENT!

Read my next article “Do You Need A Relationship To Be Happy?”

This is ironic and yet it isn’t. Of the 6 basic human needs, as listed by Tony Robbins and derived from Maslow's hierarchy of needs. 2 of these needs are Certainty and Uncertainty. Human beings need both. We need certainty, so we can trust and depend on certain structures, beliefs and people and we need uncertainty so we can experience adventure and not feel bored. So in this conversation it is normal to want to casual date for a while and then suddenly reassess and desire something more substantial.

Some of our basic needs are conflicting so what is needed is to find the balance. The balance between emotional independence and intimacy is also something that you will have to cultivate when you are in a loving relationship. However until then, if you find that your general mood, your work efficiency and your well being is affected by things he does or does not do during the course of the week, you are unhealthily emotionally dependent.

Remember the only way to find the right relationship for you is to first be Happy Single. It is about emotional independence.

"One of the false beliefs that it is important to let go of, is the belief that we need another person in our lives to make us whole. As long as we believe that someone else has the power to make us happy then we are setting ourselves up to be victims."

– Robert Burney

We know this is hard to accept. We've heard it all—every rationalization imaginable...he was going to call but didn't. Now you're sure it's because you didn't smile or talked too much or didn't thank him for dinner... The bottom line is, if he hasn't called, he's not that interested. —“The Rules”

An intimate relationship is one in which neither party silences, sacrifices, or betrays the self and each party expresses strength and vulnerability, weakness and competence in a balanced way. Harriet Lerner – Dance of Intimacy

Don't waste time on a fantasy relationship. You may have a good rapport with your doctor, lawyer or accountant, and you may find yourself wondering if he is interested in you romantically. How can you know for sure? If he's never asked you out, then  - “He's Just Not That Into You!”

Even though it's what you feel, is it necessary
to tell him that on the first date? Oprah Winfrey

Then, once you have centred on your axis and you meet someone who has also centred on theirs and you come together and there is a collision of axis and there is confusion and commotion and you are destabilized and you shift from your centre, then if after the initial combustion, you can realign so that you can revolve on your own axis and simultaneously rotate with the other body.

Then you may have found a true and balanced way of relating thus a healthy relationship  and you maintain and grow your individuality and you serve the world as well and live your own purpose whilst simultaneously relating lovingly with another. .... Then WOW!!!!

Malti Bhojwani is an experienced Professional Certified Life Coach and the founder of Multi Coaching International. For more information on personalized one-on-one coaching by phone visit: http://www.multi-coaching.com

Multi Coaching International offers a one off phone/skype coaching session US$180